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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does she still want me

18 replies

Martin123456 · 14/12/2019 10:00

Not sure if this site is for guys also? But would welcome some female advice. My partner an I just sleep back to back these days an have done now for some time. There is no intimacy and when I try to bring the subject up she can get quite cutting with her replies. Am I just wasting my time
Is it time to move on. Should I sign up to Ashley maddison. I just want some loving . Thanks for reading

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 14/12/2019 10:12

You sound very shallow!

Have you thought about the reasons why she's like this, asked her? Can you do more to help in other ways like around the house?

Sunflowersok · 14/12/2019 10:12

OP whatever’s going on on her side please don’t sign up to an affair site. If you want intimacy you either try and sort the issue with her at hand or you leave. You don’t ruin someone’s life by having an affair, the aftermath can be devastating.

From what I’ve experienced, the situation will be that she doesn’t want sex because you are not making her happy. Women need their minds stimulated and car and affection OUTSIDE of the bedroom to be able to want that physical closeness in the bedroom.

Don’t pester her for sex - rather ask her if she needs anything more from you in the relationship, you’ll be guaranteed an answer of what’s really going on in that way.

Otherwise, If she’s just lost her drive and she’s not making the effort then there’s pretty much not much you can do about it. Relationships are a two way street and she should try and make the effort and compromise in that department!

Either way you both need a sit down serious life chat.

Do not sign up to an affair site and ruin her life OP.

Bendybop · 14/12/2019 10:27

Talk to her and ask her what you asked us.

crestar · 14/12/2019 10:39

Can you do more to help in other ways like around the house?

More 'throe away' advice from Mumsnet i'm afraid.

Maybe he already does most of the housework?
Maybe she's having an affair?
Maybe she just isn't a very nice person?

Who knows? But the reply from loveyoutothemoon is more throw away bullshit i'm afraid.

Catinheat · 14/12/2019 10:43

Most definitely sign up to Ashley Maddison, it's fixed many a broken marriage Biscuit

MashedSpud · 14/12/2019 11:43

She obviously doesn’t fancy you and is probably on a hook up site herself.

Tubridy · 14/12/2019 11:46

Yes, we are the Female Borg Hive Mind on here. Of course you should sign up for an affair site. Waay more productive than, you know, asking your actual partner what's going on from her point of view. Hmm

Original poster
Martin123456 · 14/12/2019 12:21

Yep. I already do loads around the house. Most the cooking on top of working 60+ hours a week. Was just curious on replies

OP posts:
Tubridy · 14/12/2019 12:23

You don't mention anywhere what she says when you ask her why she doesn't want to have sex with you? Don't you like what she says?

AloneLonelyLoner · 14/12/2019 14:53

When my sex drive went (for my partner) it never came back. I really tried.

If everything else is ok then I would speak to her openly about this (if you can't then that's the problem right there). If there are other problems also then it may be worth either giving her a chance to engage with counselling or calling it a day.

Thatagain · 14/12/2019 15:39

Not much info there op. How old is she? Do you have any dcs? Does she work? Their must be a reason ie menopause, mentol, tyredness, Or she may not like your attitude towards sex. What have you tried. Have you conciderd takeing her out? Do you treat her to thing's she likes have you been kind to her? There are many reasons why we go of sex and it's your hard job to find out. If all fails don't go down the line of being a cheat. You will have to think about separating as it's not fair on you.

Justaordinarybloke · 14/12/2019 21:27

Try just cuddling up in bed without initiating sex, if she allows you to do that then there is hope. Maybe she is thinking you've gone off her sleeping back to back even though you want sex. Suggest a date night, in or out. Few drinks will relax you both and she may drop her guide and open up to you.

CruellaDeVille2019 · 14/12/2019 21:31

Perhaps you are just rubbish in bed OP? Sorry but this is the wrong place to suggest sites which encourage infidelity.

Talk to her. Find out what she wants. Find out why her sex drive has gone. Date her. Meals out, pamper her. It's amazing what taking your partners feelings into consideration can achieve.

SpicyRibs · 14/12/2019 21:38

You need to have an open and frank conversation with her OP.

selmabear · 14/12/2019 22:40

Communicate with her OP. Not just about sex either. Do you bring up the subject of sex/intimacy more than any other topics when you attempt communicate with her regarding your relationship? How is your relationship outside the bedroom? Signing up to Ashley Maddison really isn't the answer really is it, that's just causing a whole lot of other problems in your relationship.

StinkyWizleteets · 14/12/2019 22:48

Maybe you snore toO heavily to snuggle in bed?

TwoTwentyGowerRoad · 15/12/2019 01:45

Have you asked her why your relationship is like this OP?

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2019 09:17

Are you conflating sex and intimacy?

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