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Original poster

Should I ask my colleague out? Feeling smitten!

34 replies

Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 21:38

Hi everyone, I've been working at a company for a few months now. It is a creative agency full of young people, mostly in our 20s. There a lot of social boozy events paid for my management which I don't drink a lot at, but anyway- I think I have fitted in well and am feeling like a valued member of the team.

I am having feelings for my colleague that I think are more than a passing flirtation. He is very shy but I think they are returned because:

  • his eyes always seem to be on me in a room. Even if we are chatting to others it's not long before he's looking for me giving me lovely, kind smiles.
  • he remembers things I have said & long forgotten, bringing them up weeks later.
  • me, him & a few others have formed a friend group that spend time together now on weekends outside work. We always seem to branch off & last week our legs kept touching under the table. He always asks me lots of interesting questions too.
  • he got me as secret santa. I knew instantly as the gift was so thoughtful & tailored to what I like. When I approached him to thank him he went bright red.
  • at the xmas party I said I was single and the woman that sits next to him mentioned an 'eligible bachelor' in the office Wink

I have dated a few guys who were nice & had some good qualities but weren't all that. So far I see that he is warm, funny, kind & handsome to boot. I don't want to pass up the chance to get to know him better, but we work together and I am one level above him in the company although we don't work together directly.

He said he had heard of an upcoming event and would let me know if it is definitely on if I'd like to go (but not a date as his friends will be there). Today we had a lovely cuddle as we said goodbye and yes, I am a bit smitten.

I don't want to jump into anything and am happy to get to know him but wondering peoples thoughts as it is not a normal situation.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 13/12/2019 21:41

What’s your employer’s policy on this stuff?

It would be crappy to have to see an ex every day at work.

Cream5 · 13/12/2019 21:42

Sounds promising.

As him to do something just you and him, leave it wide open as to whether its a date or not... pick something friends might do together, just incase, and see what he says. Then go from there. Sounds like a slow burner.

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 21:45

Nothing in the handbook so not sure. There are a couple of people in the company that are married but they are quite senior.

I agree with you, why I'm being cautious - I see myself staying at the company for 9-12 months or so. I think I will learn a lot but not much career progression possible past that.

I have had little work crushes before but this feels very different, like if we got together it would really be something potentially.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/12/2019 21:45

What is the reason you haven't asked him on a date?

Loopytiles · 13/12/2019 21:46

Well if you’re not planning to stay long, fewer reasons not to date a colleague!

WifOfBif · 13/12/2019 21:54

Go for it. Seriously, it sounds promising and life is too short.

Kayleigh12 · 13/12/2019 21:57

@Lizzie523 awww I met my fella at work, we were friends for 4 years, he was literally my partner in crime every time we went out! Then on a night out we finally kissed! That was 4 years ago and we now live together and he is my everything. It’s great to be friends first because you already know how well you get on. Maybe play it cool a little longer and go for the kill when the time is right. Just to make sure it’s reciprocated. However if it didn’t work out you have to consider you would be working together with some awkwardness. But life is short! Go for it!

ukgift2016 · 13/12/2019 22:06

Let him make the move or it be incredibly awkward at work.

AnuvvaMuvva · 13/12/2019 22:18

I had this EXACT situation in my 20s. I asked him out, we dated for a bit, he never seemed that into it, I dumped him, he blanked me for 6 months. It all went wrong.

It's one if my biggest regrets, as we were honestly made for each other. ☹️

If I had my time over again, I'd let him ask me out. Because when you wait, they come to you when they're ready; they're all in, they're sure, they're motivated. When you preempt then and ask first, they're often still wrestling with doubts (because otherwise they'd have asked you out already, duh) and it can go wrong.

No man is THAT shy when they genuinely want to be with someone.

Have patience, young one. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 22:18

The reason I haven't asked him out yet...just slowly getting to know him, I've rushed into things before. Also because I have been prioritising doing well at my new job.

One thing I'm worried about (and he probably is too) is if the other is open to dating the other under the circumstances.

I honestly don't see him making the move. He is already very shy & I think he'd be worried about misinterpreting the situation. That's the impression I get.

On the other hand, I would quite like to be pursued as I went after my last ex!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 22:22

Do others agree he will ask me out if he's really interested? I do feel he likes me but I think it is unlikely due to the situation. Wouldn't happen overnight anyway!

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 13/12/2019 22:26

Why do I feel as though this is 'you' again?

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 22:28

I don't know who 'you' is? But this isn't a situation I've been posting about so

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 13/12/2019 22:33

You sound awfully like another poster who constantly starts threads about a man at work under different usernames but in the same style as you've posted here...

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 22:38

Well I'm not and definitely do not post constant threads about a man at work. This a new situation I'm trying to figure out.

OP posts:
Cauliflowerpower · 13/12/2019 22:49

Why not? What's the worst thing that could happen? Go on.... it sounds like you're into each other

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 13/12/2019 22:52

I think people already wonder if something is going on at work. We have a great dynamic in the team, I'd say we're both quite popular, and I wouldn't want to shake that up too much.

So you think he likes me too? Grin I've become a bit pathetic, like a teenager again. I'm 28!

OP posts:
CruellaDeVille2019 · 13/12/2019 22:55

Why don't you invite him to grab a friendly coffee outside work? Then it is no pressure if he isn't sure about dating but it also gives you chance to get to know him away from the work environment. You may find that doing this enables you to develop your friendship which naturally progresses into a relationship.

readitandwept · 14/12/2019 10:06

@Ginger1982 is right. You have posted before. Why lie?

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 14/12/2019 12:38

CruellaDeVille - I think that's probably going to be the best option. I think he will be reluctant to misread the signs or do much initiating at first.

If he accepts my invitation, I think that will be a positive sign that he is interested in seeing where things go as well. Still just want to tread slowly.

OP posts:
Dery · 15/12/2019 04:57

“I honestly don't see him making the move. He is already very shy & I think he'd be worried about misinterpreting the situation. That's the impression I get.

On the other hand, I would quite like to be pursued as I went after my last ex!”

Your second comment is a clue: you want to be pursued, so let him ask you out. You’ve only known each other for a couple of months so I don’t know if you can judge that he’s just too shy to make the move. If he’s interested enough, he should work round to it. It sounds promising and you have been encouraging. You’ve said you’ve rushed into things before and it does sound a bit as if you want to rush again. Perhaps you could see how things go at this upcoming event and then follow up on that.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/12/2019 05:19

I agree with Dery. See how things go at the event with his friends.

Dating a colleague definitely adds layers of difficulty to a new relationship. If you’re only planning to be there another 9-12 months I would wait a bit longer and get to know him more before pursuing anything

But yes it sounds like he does like you.

Goldenchildsmum · 15/12/2019 06:34

If you've asked men out in the past and would like this to change and for the man to ask you out - then wait.

If this man is too shy to ask you out then maybe he's not the one for you

Maybe once you're not working together in a year or so, he'll feel more able to ask you out?

Date other people

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 15/12/2019 14:41

I don't know for sure how long I'm planning to be around at the current job. I haven't decided for sure, a year or so anyway.

I don't really want to date other people as I like him - and then wait for him to start dating others and feel the chance has been missed. I am not going to rush, but life is short.

I suppose I could spend time with him at this event and invite him to one afterwards and see where it goes.

I guess 'wait 9 months' and see what happens isn't really in my nature. But sometimes moving quickly is also on my nature. I recognise that he is a catch & that I need to spend more time getting to know him, over time. I am feeling more cautious than I have previously.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 15/12/2019 14:42

How many more times?? Biscuit