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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Work Phones

42 replies

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 14:48

Are work phones in some organisations (emergency services) closely monitored by keystroke? And would action be taken if there is evidence of a personal/intimate relationship even if that person is not in the same organisation. The person in question is fairly senior if that make a difference.

I find this hard to believe but my DH maintains this is the case and this is the reason why I should believe him that there were no incriminating texts on his work phone. Back story is I found out about his affair, he was transparent with his home phone in the aftermath in an attempt to re-build our marriage but 5 months later he wouldn’t let me see his work phone (I had never tried to previously, just saw him with it one night and something didn’t feel right so I asked to see it).

OP posts:

LilouBlue · 13/12/2019 14:53

I don't think they'd have keystroke loggers on as a matter of course, but I'm willing to be corrected on that.

So, he wouldn't let you see his work phone, but says there wouldn't be anything on it because work would have been monitoring it? Tbh that just makes him look MORE untrustworthy to me. Looks entirely like he's still using his work phone to contact OW, but being free with his home phone so you believe he's stopped messing around. I'm sorry OP.

itcamefrombeckyvardyself · 13/12/2019 14:53

I highly doubt it.

I have a work phone and my husband used to work at the same company.

He was management and I am not.

He left a few years ago.

We texted a lot and our relationship would have deffo been frowned upon.

JorisBonson · 13/12/2019 14:56

I'm an emergency services worker with a work phone and I can guarantee you that they don't have keystroke loggers on them. It wouldn't be permissable under RIPA unless the person in question was being investigated for something, either covertly or overtly.

Sorry OP

Halestorm · 13/12/2019 14:58

Not in my experience. Our company issues everyone with a phone and none would be monitored like that.

Hidingtonothing · 13/12/2019 15:01

In any case, if work monitors it anyway why not let you see it? He can hardly argue that 'you should just trust me' (as they usually do!) when he's already been caught cheating so he must realise it makes him look guilty. Sorry OP but if it walks like a duck......

Original poster

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 15:03

Thanks for the replies. It is as I expected. He is trying to convince me that he is currently disciplining someone for sexting on a work phone so therefore he wouldn’t jeopardise his job by using it for anything but work. If you text or WhatsApp I just don’t see how work would know, I doubted they would be monitoring everybody’s phone for that. He maintains they would to detect police corruption.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 15:05

hidingtonothing agreed. Moment of madness apparently. Feeling the pressure of trying to rebuild everything after I found out about his 8 month affair and just cracked and refused to let me see it. Alcohol was involved and he got very defensive bordering on aggressive.

OP posts:

littlepurple · 13/12/2019 15:21

Could he have bought the same model as his work phone to use for sexting? So he'd be able to have it in plain sight and be able to tell you about the keystroke thing/you wouldn't suspect sexting because it's work phone?

JorisBonson · 13/12/2019 15:25

OP, unfortunately I smell BS on this. Also WhatsApp is encrypted and difficult to look at unless you download someone's phone.

Blanca87 · 13/12/2019 15:26

Life is too short for that shite.

TheReef · 13/12/2019 15:28

Bullshit. I work in IT and all the companies I've ever worked for have never done this. They monitor the length of conversations and it bills are really high. But they have to be seriously high to cause any alarms being raised.

Key strokes on a mobile are May on impossible as they've have to go via the supplier (Vodafone, BT etc). It's only if say he's on the company WiFi and using wifi, but even that would be unlikely. If he's using it to surf porn on the company WiFi it might raise an alert

Cream5 · 13/12/2019 15:32

He's lying.
There is no truth in what he is saying.
He is gaslighting you.
Once a liar, always a liar.

Yetanotherwinter · 13/12/2019 15:38

Police don’t go looking for corruption. They would only investigate someone if allegations had been made or information were to come to light alleging that someone was doing something wrong. Someone’s phone can be examined and texts and calls be pulled off the phone but again this is not routinely done. If he tells you this is the case then he’s lying. If he’s nothing to hide on the phone he won’t mind you looking.

Original poster

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 15:42

yetanotherwinter do you know if this would be done if an affair is suspected? I’m inclined to think it wouldn’t be worth looking into unless there is a concern that it impacts on the work and even then I would doubt it would warrant any kind of investigation.

OP posts:

JorisBonson · 13/12/2019 15:43

OP,

No, they would not investigate affairs. They would have nothing else to do if that was policy.

Original poster

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 15:46

JorisBonson yes I know they are rife!

OP posts:

msmith501 · 13/12/2019 15:46

Nope. I also work in IT. One - no company cares enough in your private life, two - all companies I have ever run are more interested in running their business, three - under data protection / GDPR it is a breach of confidence / trust.

.... so no. Is he having an affair?

BarbedBloom · 13/12/2019 15:49

He's lying to you, again.

Thecrown3 · 13/12/2019 15:50

My keystrokes on work phone are not monitored.But the phone bill is so if lots of texts/calls made I may be investigated and asked to pay

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/12/2019 15:50

This would be a massive breach of privacy laws. Nobody's phone is being monitored to that extent. The employer may well have the right to view messages on a company phone in some circumstances, but they aren't routinely looking out for affairs and personal texts.

Original poster

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 15:50

mssmith501 he was, for 8 months I know that much. I took him back and gave him another chance but then this work phone incident happened in August. I’ve got no idea what it was - same person, another person, sexting, physical, I just don’t know. It’s enough to think he has betrayed my trust again though. He is of course denying it and claiming he just made a mistake in not letting me see the work phone, there was nothing on there anyway, all very tightly controlled so never need to be concerned about the work phone blah blah blah.

OP posts:

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 15:54

There's nothing on there now he's deleted it all the piece of shit.

WWlOOlWW · 13/12/2019 16:00

He showed you how he felt about you when he was fucking someone else for 8 months.

He is a liar and a cheat. You deserve better. Pick up your self esteem and get this man out of your life.

Original poster

LadyDowagerHatt · 13/12/2019 16:01

giveherhellfromus I gave up trying to see it on that night in August. I knew if there was anything on there he would delete it if I let him out of my sight. It was pressurised and emotions were crazily high but anyone who had nothing to hide would have handed over the phone. Especially given the history, it’s not like I was being jealous or possessive for no reason.

OP posts:

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 16:17

You sound like you've been incredibly patient with him and given him multiple opportunities to just stop. Like he didn't even need to come clean because you were choosing to try and work through it and instead he's chosen to continue to lie and keep secrets from you.

I'm sorry he's so shit x

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