Feel a bit pathetic after second date

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

Been single around 2 months and have been online dating.

Second guy I met ... we went out for breakfast one morning. Got on well. Arranged to meet again 5 days later. He kept referring to it as a date. He missed his train and ended up driving to me and being a little late so he came to my house rather than us going out to eat. We slept together, he left at midnight. It was good, I liked him. We laid together in bed afterwards and chatted and laughed. I remember him saying 'I could definitely get used to this'

The next day, he messaged first and I replied to ask how his day was. He said "fine but nowhere near as fun as last night" hut since then the texts have totally dried up.

Hes active online but not chatting to me. I think hes just said all the right things to get me in bed and has now scarpered. I feel a bit tragic. I've been used havent I?

It certainly looks like it.

It seems to be the case. Sorry OP, the world is full of them

I’m afraid so OP, sorry. At least the sex wasn’t bad? In your place I would delete his number and conversation so as not to be tempted to get in touch with him. Disappointing but not the end of the world

You got something out of it as well, though. He missed his train but rather than rearrange the date, you had him round for sex.

It sounds like it, sorry OP.

You've only been single for 2 months. I think you need to get off the OLD and have some time to yourself where you can reflect on what you deserve and what you really want. Rushing back into rebound dating is destined to make you feel bad about yourself and your vulnerability is likely to lead to you making poor decisions (such as your example). Booty calls really are the "norm" nowadays on OLD, and in my experience it isn't until you have a good period of self-reflection and time to enjoy your own company that you should journey that road, and be able to weed out the idiots. You need to "do" OLD with a pretty firm view of what you are looking for and what you won't tolerate. Not sleeping with someone on a 2nd date is a good start - and I say that with no judgment whatsoever, genuinely.
If you are going into it with a view of looking for mutually beneficial (safe) fun/FWB setup, then good for you. Enjoy yourself and do so maturely and safely.
But if you're looking for a relationship, then I think you've gone about it in the wrong way, on this occasion.

How long ago did this happen?

It was Weds night that he stayed over

I wouldn't message him again just. You both got something out of it and it's better for it too be cut off now than when you've wasted more time.

It's no reflection on you. Don't let it get you down

Brush yourself off and move on, op. At least you found out he was a user before you got too attached.

Yeah sorry there was no train to miss. That was his intention all along.

It sounds as though the missed train was a ploy to come to your house. People are not stupid, he knows what to say to make it a nice pleasant experience but clearly doesn't have intentions to start a relationship with you.

I'll be shot for saying this on here but I do think that having him over for a shag the second time you've met him probably isn't the best way to communicate that you want something more than that. Not shaming you, as a PP said, you had enjoyable sex too by the sound of it. Chalk it up to experience.

Why look at it as being used? Surely it's more likely he just didnt feel the right kind of chemistry during the sex bit and has rightly pulled back.

Dating is a test drive situation where you try to work out whether the other person is right for you. Folk dont really "use" each other, they just lose interest sometimes and then feel awkward about it, dont know what to say, and as such they withdraw.

You're a stranger to him after all, hes not about to announce to you that the shag wasn't great for him. You'd be on here in tears about that if he did! Can you imagine, it would come off as so insensitive.

Dont feel too bad, it's no-one's fault and not a reflection on either of you.

Also I think its total nonsense that having sex on the second date is somehow going to signal that you're not after a relationship.

I dont know ANYONE who didn't shag their now-longterm partner within a couple of dates. This isnt the 1850s.

Again... dating is test driving, I always shag as early as possible so that if it isn't quite right, I can fuck them off before it gets too serious. That's relatively normal i think. You didnt do anything wrong OP. If you two had been suited, it would have been fine, but it turns out he wasn't feeling it and that is ok.

It was only two days ago! And he messaged you the next day so seems like he may still weaned yo see you again.

An update for anyone who is interested - weve bee messaging on and off for a few weeks. I went to his house a couple of nights ago. We did sleep together.

I do quite like him, although I feel like he shares some little characteristics and traits with my cock of an ex husband.

For now I guess we just see each other every now and then and see if it turns into anything more. I think for now I'm ok with that