How to shake off a bloody persistent crush?

[Feelingabitashamed]

Hi all,

Met a guy last year after 2 relationships not working out. Had only 2 great dates in which he said he really liked me, wanted a relationship etc then proceeded to reduce contact to a couple of late night missed calls I.e. ghosted me.

He was everything I want 'on paper' and I haven't felt that connection since. We talked about a lot of stuff other than him telling me what I wanted to hear relationship-wise.

It has nearly been a year since I last saw him and I can't shake the silly crush. I don't see him around, no work connection or mutual friends.

In itself, the crush is live-withable apart from that every man I meet falls short compared to him (or the version I think of as I'm well aware I didn't know him properly).

I think he was a bit of a game player in that he told me a lot about himself and claimed to be extremely keen very early on, but seemed so genuine and it was hard to see what was the point if he wasnt interested.

Please, any advice on how to shake this stupid fantasy/ crush?? I am dating, OLD, pursuing friendships and personal interests. Both early 30s for information. No kids but I would like a family.

I think of it this way - if you hadn't been that into him and he was telling you that he wanted a relationship and really liked you after two dates, you would have been like 'eww'. Why? Because it is creepy.

Unfortunately some times we are a sucker for a pretty face or a but of chemistry and ignore the fact that they are clearly, either con artists or nuts.

You don't like him you like the act he sold you. He wasn't real, just a character in a play in which you were the audience.

Think of it as having a crush on a TV character.

The 'point if he wasn't interested' was to get you interested. He needed to be wanted to stroke his ego. And he pretended to be like you ('mirroring') by reading you. Because when people are similar to us and claim to like us, it makes us drop our guard. He was a trickster. And you are bloody lucky you got shot of him after just two dates.

Thanks Pink. That makes a lot of sense and I am annoyed with myself at perpetuating this ego boost for so long now even if he is long gone.

Maybe think of it like... its not him, its the idea he represents. Keep looking, dating, keeping yourself busy. The right one is out there!

You need to engage your head not your heart. Realise you have a crush on what he represented, not a real person.

I'd take the mickey out of myself mentally on this one: Oh yes, what I'm looking for in an ideal man is someone who ghosts me, someone who lies, says what i want to hear but doesn't mean it or follow through on it. I love men who pretend to be someone wonderful but are really low life OLD trawlers. That's definitely a plus point in any man for me!

Your heart will get the message in the end.

Thanks... yes you're right. I keep reminding myself, sometimes out loud, of his shit behaviour when my mind wanders back to him (didn't want to make it the focus of the thread but on the second date he was sexually very pushy). My heart still isn't catching on though! Hopefully I will eventually meet someone who hits the spot but is actually nice and genuine.