Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So confused and down ! Was it all a lie ?

10 replies

Nikkidb1985 · 12/12/2019 21:41

So... I'm not even sure where to begin but really hoping that somebody can help me make sense of things .. I've recently come out of relationship .. he left me. We'd been together probably about 8 months and are now 5 weeks post breakup. We met in February neither of us were looking for a relationship at the time it was meant to be a bit of fun, no strings attached type thing. Anyway we got talking on a dating site, soon moved to WhatsApp, arranged to meet about 3 weeks later and when we met it was amazing !! ... we talked all day every day, on the phone ect and within a few weeks neither of us were talking to everyone else. We agreed to take things slow but everything progressed so naturally and easy !! ... he was the first to say he loved me .. told me he was totally hooked on me and he knew that we'd agreed to take it slow but he couldnt help how he felt. He lived 2 hours away from me but he would drive here every Friday after work and stay here until Monday morning then drive back for work. Everything was just so easy and natural and just felt so right. Weve both been through alot in the past and talked so much about past experiences and relationships and he said that I'd made him believe in himself again and in love again. I'd met all his family, he met mine and eventually he met my children and them and him got on great. Everything was going really well. We were always doing things, but even just staying in we would always have a giggle. I felt like found my best friend not just a partner. We talked extensively about the future and made plans. However, he was married in the past and they're relationship was volatile and she had stopped him from seeing his own children and this has hurt him so badly. He was due to see them a couple of months ago and she stopped it at the last minute. After this he became distant with me.. was going fishing instead of work and slipped into depression. This resulted in him ending things with me by a message. He did come and talk to me about it afterwards and said goodbye to my children and when he came to get his stuff he kept telling me he loved me and talked about maybe coming and taking the kids fishing ect in the future. When he left he called his mum crying and when he went back to his mums he told her he needed to stay in his room as he cant hurt anyone there. The problem is since he has gone a few weeks ago he has been really distant like he literally never cared or me and my kids ever existed. He's been liking other womens photos on Facebook ect and where he hasnt cut off communication with me if I message him his answers are very short. I asked him if he believed there was anyway forward and he said he doesnt know but he doesnt know much right now and he just wants to be on his own, work and fish. I just cant get my head around the fact that somebody can go from been so in love with somebody telling me I'm the best thing to happen to him in years to nothing so quickly. When we were together even his mum would message me saying she had never seen him so happy and I'd helped him so much and she believed I was his soulmate. Do I really not mean anything to him anymore ? I miss him so much and I love him deeply and I've been so low since he left as I'm just so confused by it all and can't seem to accept that it's over... has anyone else ever been through similar ? How did it turn out ?

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 12/12/2019 21:49

Sorry to hear this OP. It sounds like he has some serious mental health issues going on here. I've never had depression but from what I understand, it can affect people very badly. My guess is that if he is going through a bad depressive phase, he won't be able to cope with a relationship. I don't think this means he didn't/doesn't love you or care for you.
My advice would be to give him space. If I'm right, you won't be helping if you are in constant contact. He needs to figure things out in his own head and he clearly cannot do that while he is in a relationship with you.
Sorry that it hurts but I would back off and leave him to it and hopefully he will sort his shit out and come back. I have to say though, this does nothing for your own mental health so try to put you and your kids first here.

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2019 21:56

If he's liking other girls pics etc he's ended it because he no longer wished to be involved and hadn't been honest with you about his feelings.

I'm sorry op, but it's definitely over.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 12/12/2019 21:58

I agree with Bluntness. Liking other girls pics? Doesn't sound like he's bothered about you any more.

litterbird · 12/12/2019 21:59

Same thing has just happened to a friend of mine. Your ex thought he could handle a relationship and everything he said at the beginning was true to you and him. It was how he felt in that moment. Unfortunately something has triggered in him, sometimes this happens when things are going really really well. I dont know why but it does. My friend was gobsmacked when hers disappeared saying and doing exactly like yours has done from hero to zero in an instant. There is nothing you can do but grieve the relationship. He has issues to deal with and sadly he thought he could be in this relationship with you. He has been as honest as he can be to you so you must accept this and stay away. No texting calling and stop with the social media watching. This will hurt you. Some guys just change their minds and dont know why they do, it is really infuriating but it happens. Grieve, let go and move on. So sorry OP.

hellsbellsmelons · 13/12/2019 12:11

Google - love bombing and future faking!
Stop messaging him.
He ended it.
He's made it clear he doesn't want to see you.
He's moving on and liking other women.
Block him now on everything as it will just continue to play on your mind.
Block and delete so you aren't tempted to communicate with him.
Concentrate on your DC.
Keep busy getting ready for Christmas.
See friends and family.
Distract yourself.
Being needy and messaging him will put him off further.
So stop it!

PersephoneOP · 13/12/2019 12:35

Completely agree with hellsbellsmelons . Time for you to move on and find someone who respects you

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/12/2019 12:37

When he left he called his mum crying and when he went back to his mums he told her he needed to stay in his room as he cant hurt anyone there.

Right... so what happened after you bust a gut laughing?

Unless he'd not an adult yet...

ohwheniknow · 13/12/2019 12:43

However, he was married in the past and they're relationship was volatile and she had stopped him from seeing his own children

Did this set off warning bells for you? If not, why not?

To pick just one...

goldenchalice · 13/12/2019 13:52

So many alarm bells here.

Move on and let him go. He's already dipped in and out of your kids life, that'd be chance blown for me.

WhoTheFuckIsGail · 13/12/2019 13:57

He's finished with you OP, why are you still messaging him?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page