What am i doing wrong?

[TryingToBeCool]

NC for this one ladies, sorry.

My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year. For the first few months things were great in the bedroom - he's the best ive ever had in lots of ways.
Then, a close relative got close to death, and things dwindled to a quickie once a week.
Then that same relative died. Since they died 9 months ago weve had sex 3 times. Each time, quick, he hasnt touched me, just gets in, gets the deed done (To the point where im not physically ready and its sore, but thats my fault for not telling him that as its such a shock its going to happen FINALLY that i just go with it).
He always finishes and no performance issues... except its rubbish really as there is no build up. 1 position and he cums quickly saying "sorry its been ages and i got too excited".

He swears blind to me there isnt a porn issue... he also says its not me.
He still loves cuddles, holding hands, being close, just not sex or sexual touching.
He says since his relative died he just hasnt felt the urge much.

The problem is he wont talk about it. I broached it again last night, suggesting he saw a dr, and he has blanked me since. No reply. He lives elsewhere and we generally only see each other over the weekends (Fri through to Sunday eve)
When ive tried to talk to him about it before he makes it clear he doesnt want to talk about it, saying "ive told you, i just dont really have much of an urge, theres nothing else to say on it". Ive tried broaching it about 3 or 4 times in 9 months and that is the best of what im met with.

To me, he just sees it as has issue, not something that affects me too and our relationship.

I love this man. He is lovely in many ways and there is little else wrong with our relationship. Except this. Im early thirties, hes late thirties, i dont want it to be this way forever but cant see an end in sight and dont know really what else to do.
There is no sexy talk or touching at all. Kisses are pecks and he will pull away. There is no way to just "take kissing further" as friends IRL have suggested.

Any suggestions? Anyone been through something similar?

If he can't talk about this, what else will he not be able to talk about? I understand he's grieving. That's not the point. The point is that he refuses to engage with you, and he's refusing support. I'd be telling him exactly how you feel, and the consequences of its continuing.

You are unable to communicate about serious personal issues, and I highly doubt this will improve. He has also made it clear that he's not concerned about your needs at all, and that certainly doesn't bode well. I would be ending it and quickly.

He finally just messaged to say Hello.
I replied and said i find it boring he cant communicate like an adult about serious relationship issues. Hes disappeared again.

Thanks ladies. You are right. Ive told him before he needs to communicate on this and he continues to refuse.

Have you been able to talk to him about his relative's death? Are you able to cuddle him; does he accept comfort?

If he won't see a doctor or perhaps get counselling, maybe what he needs is for something to jolt him out of the nest of feigned indifference that he's creating for himself. You leaving him could be the shock he needs to sort himself out. I'll be honest, though: in your position I wouldn't be secretly thinking of getting back together with him afterwards. He's really not being very nice to you at all.

End it already and move on. You are wasting your life on someone who's simply not invested in this relationship. A quick text is all it takes.

I'd more more concerned about the lack of communication - now THAT'S a relationship killer!