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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

You and your boss... is it bound to be a disaster?

9 replies

ThePenelopiad · 11/12/2019 21:40

I recently started a new job, and I have started to have feelings for my boss. I would be able to ignore it and just get on with things if my feelings didn't seem to be reciprocated, but he is showing signs that he might like me too, and I'm just wondering if anyone has ever got involved with their boss and NOT had it go completely pear-shaped. I'm not talking so much about people who work with their OH as part of a family business or who were already seeing him before they started working with him.

For background, we are similar ages and both single. He was on the interview panel when I went for the job, and although I sort of noticed he was quite attractive then, I was too preoccupied with the interview to think much more about it. It has only been since I started working with him that I started thinking about him in that way.

I am very aware of all the things that could potentially go wrong if I pursued this. I may have misinterpreted the way he's acting and then it would be terribly embarrassing. Or, if we did start something, people would be bound to assume that I'd got the job because the interviewer fancied me. He wouldn't be able to do my appraisals or ratings, I suppose. And if we split up it would be hideously awkward for me and probably everyone else too.

So I do know all the reasons it would be a bad idea, and yet still I keep thinking about him. I work remotely and I only see him face to face once every couple of weeks, so I probably have too much time to sit around idealising him in my head and being a bit teenaged and pathetic. I have been single for a long time and I don't consider myself to be at all attractive, so I had given up on relationships years ago, just assuming that it was never going to happen for me. None of this helps!

I would love to hear any stories from people who have been in a similar situation, good or bad. I probably just need to give my head a wobble and some stern words.

OP posts:
Panpastels · 11/12/2019 21:41

I've been with my previous boss for over ten years now and we have two children together. We had a secret relationship for a while then he got made redundant (unrated reasons) so if all worked out anyway.

mumsie8 · 11/12/2019 21:42

I wouldn't even contemplate it whilst he was my boss for all the reasons you have stated and more. Far too much to lose if it all goes pear shaped.

spongeysarah · 11/12/2019 21:45

go for it reckon, follow your heart sister Grin

gamerchick · 11/12/2019 21:46

Is he interested in you though, or have you got it all going on in hour head?

CointreauVersial · 11/12/2019 21:48

As long as you are prepared for one of you to have to change jobs, then go ahead, and see where it leads.

dtc24 · 11/12/2019 21:50

I married my (then) boss and currently expecting 2nd baby together Grin

ThePenelopiad · 11/12/2019 21:55

gamerchick it could be. I don't kid myself that I have anything much going on. I do tend to be very suspicious of men who seem to show an interest in me, and I feel like this is genuine. But as I said in my OP, I don't have that much actual contact with him so I could be building it up to be more than it is.

OP posts:
basicwitches · 11/12/2019 21:56

Got with my boss last september, 'secret' relationship and then one of us moved locations, found out i was pregnant a week later and now i'm currently overdue, sitting in our home watching hollyoaks with him! It was the best thing i ever did

yips · 11/12/2019 21:59

Go for it - there are other jobs 😉

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