I have had one relationship in my life, and that has now ended in divorce. We were together for about 22 years. I divorced him for emotional abuse which mainly consisted of long silent treatments, withholding of affection, being short tempered etc. The divorce was horrible and we are not on speaking terms at all (we have dc). He moved out in the spring of 2018.
I am now 50 and live full time with the dc. I day dream about the possibility of a new relationship one day, but realistically, I don't see how that will happen? My entire time is spent either at work or at home with the dc, but even if I were to go out more, I am just not sure what I have to offer.
I think being in such a difficult relationship for so long has really taken its toll as the last few years were really toxic. It's difficult not to have a negative view of yourself. Added to which there is my age.
I think I have a sense of humour and am kind, but I also feel like a middle aged kind of formless person plodding to work and back, and being exhausted once I am at home.
I have joined a few OLD sites and am currently on one, but I always end up deleting my profile and have been on no dates. There have been weird messages, people who clearly were only after sex, someone who was living with his wife but "separately" 
, people who have lost interest after two or three messages.
Last night someone responded to a message I had sent and he sounded interesting (and could spell). We chatted for a bit but he was clearly also messaging other people. At some point he said it was late and it had been nice to meet me (virtually), but was online for ages and ages after that.
I guess most men on there are messaging multiple people at the same time, so able to give no one their full attention and in any case always looking for someone better? I am going to let my membership lapse at the end of this month as it is a downer really.
Recently someone came to do some work in my house and he was lovely. Made me remember what it might be like to actually meet and like a real life person (he is attached and younger but in any case that's not the point). He shook my hand and his hand was warm, and it made me remember what kind human contact might be like.
Honestly, I sound mad, but I have been lonely for YEARS. Including a large portion of my marriage. So there I was last night, waiting for more messages from this online stranger that I have no idea if I would actually like or not 
.
It seems that everyone else is more well read, cultured, interesting, younger or attractive than me. Does there come a point where you think, fuck it, this is my life, just get on with it. There will be no more men.
I just can't shake the bitterness towards my ex either. For years I longed for his affection but it never came (in the second half of the marriage). If I had left then I might have stood a much higher chance of meeting someone new.