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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Recently Widowed and now discover an affair

19 replies

1espressomartini · 11/12/2019 15:47

My DH died in June, he was 52 - very suddenly. I’m going through paperwork and have come across a letter from an affair partner. He stopped the affair 2 years ago. Just stopped no contact, blocked phone. She wrote a year later to him saying she deserved a better closure and also that he has said he loved her. but itwent on for 9 years - God 9 years, nearly 10. He did have an affair that I knew about during the last 3 years of our marriage, for 8 months . We worked really hard to recover and became really close and loving, though I struggled emotionally obviously, turns out during our recovery he was still sleeping with this long term affair partner for a few months until he called a halt and fully committed to our marriage. This has just flawed me. I’m grieving for the man I thought he was, a marriage that was immensely rocky at times but had reignited and our future that we talked about. I have two 13 year old girls.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 11/12/2019 15:51

Oh OP I'm so sorry you've discovered this.
I really don't know what to say.
It must break your heart all over again.
Can you get some therapy to help you come to terms with all of this?
It's an awful lot for one person to deal with.
An outlet might help you?
Big big (((((HUGS))))) to you.
I'm so so sorry for your loss.

Mary1935 · 11/12/2019 15:59

That’s such a big thing to come to terms with. I’m sorry your going through this. It will understandably make you question everything.
You are grieving for many things.
I hope you have real life support and others you can talk to.
There is Cruise - for bereavement counselling.
Treat yourself kindly. It was nothing you did. 🌺

LuluBellaBlue · 11/12/2019 16:04

I’m so sorry to hear this, just wanted to show support Flowers

1espressomartini · 11/12/2019 16:22

I've just signed up for grief counselling - starts in the new year. This was before I found out about the long term affair. I knew the long term affair woman, she was a close friend for a few years but I pulled away as was finding her suffocating, she was overly helpful and reliable - now I know why. My girls are my priority obviously but I need to absorb this and keep it away from them. They've lost their father, I cannot have this reaching them as it would add to their distress. Counselling will help but now I hate my husband but miss the man that he became. My head is a mess

OP posts:
AppleBlossomTimeNow · 11/12/2019 16:36

What a terrible shock. Counselling should def help you sort through some difficult feelings. Despite everything, he chose you over both these women. He must've loved you a great deal. I know that might be cold comfort now x

Faith50 · 11/12/2019 16:38

Oh my goodness. I am sorry OP for your loss and discovery of the affair. This is difficult as you cannot confront your dh for answers.

A nine year affair is a relationship and a lot to discover on top of another known affair.

Can you speak to a family member or a friend for support? Flowers

SynchroSwimmer · 11/12/2019 17:03

Can I recommend joining either of the online organisations called WAY or WAYUP(if over 50) for support as well?

The help there is invaluable to me, and I believe there may be people there finding themselves in similar situations to you who might be able to share, offer some support and maybe insight on how they coped.

Coronade · 11/12/2019 17:24

I am so sorry you must be feeling so many emotions.

Write a letter to him with all the things you would say if he was still here. Sometimes it just helps to get it out.

I’m sure counselling will help too.
Don’t feel guilty if you are angry at him, you have every right to be, he lied to you for a significant time and this was not what you deserved.

WWlOOlWW · 11/12/2019 17:49

Oh this is awful. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say but wanted you to know that you have support here and that people are reading.

Be kind to yourself and I hope you manage to work though this.

forumdonkey · 11/12/2019 18:36

So sorry that you're going through this on top of what you've already been through. You have every right to be angry with him but also hold on to the fact that he did fully commit to you and your marriage. He made the choice to be with you over anyone else. It was you he wanted.

Oblomov19 · 11/12/2019 18:47

I'm so very sorry OP.
I totally disagree with donkey and apple in that he chose you/must have lived you a lot. He had 2 long term affairs, one if them for 9 years, which isn't just an affair, that's a relationship.

I'm so sorry, you must be so angry, so betrayed, that your marriage was a lie and a sham.

Please get some counselling and be easy on yourself.

ConfCall · 11/12/2019 18:56

Oblomov is right, i think. I believe that you need to take a clear-sighted view of the marriage and what it was really like, in order to deal with the grief. I don’t think that trying to convince yourself that it was a great love story/success because he didn’t leave you for one of his girlfriends would be very helpful. You were worth better and it’s really ok to think that. It will help you value yourself more in future relationships too. Good luck OP. Take care.

1espressomartini · 11/12/2019 19:22

I deserved better. He made a mockery of this relationship, he was a coward, self centred, deceitful man. How he could look me in the eye. I loved him for what he became but I will never forgive him for this. I have to still nod and smile when people say god what a lovely guy he was. What a great heartfelt send off. I can’t expose this because it’ll break my girls hearts - my life carries on being a sham. So I’ll deal with this with only a counsellor. How fkd up is my pathetic life. Will my brain and heart ever feel peace.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 11/12/2019 19:31

I deserved better.
You did.

my life carries on being a sham.
No, it doesn't. You had good times and two wonderful daughters.

So I’ll deal with this with only a counsellor.
Not been in your situation but the break up thread(s) are useful.

How fkd up is my pathetic life. Will my brain and heart ever feel peace.
Your life isn't pathetic. You are in a shitty place right now.
It will get better. You were not the one in the wrong.
Get counselling and as much support as you can.

GenderfreeJoe · 11/12/2019 19:32

You did deserve better op. And yes, you will feel peace. I've been there too. Counseling will help hugely. I would second joining WAY if you are 50 and under, or WAY up if you're over that. The support network there is fabulous.

Faith50 · 11/12/2019 20:13

It is sad that the ow was close friends with you. A double betrayal.

As apple blossom said despite your dh's affairs, he did choose you. You will not have an opportunity to ask your dh questions and receive answers. You can only work on your healing now.

rockstar53 · 11/12/2019 20:57

Hello Op
I wanted to post because I went through something very similar.

My partner of 14 years died very suddenly of a heart attack and 1 week later his brother told me he'd been having an affair & had a 6 month old baby!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, the ups & down of it all I loved him, I hated him, he was my soul mate, he was a complete arse hole. It was exhausting!

From experience I would say be very honest with your grief counsellor, they will be able to help you through it, I'll never forget the face of the lady from cruise when I spilled out the whole sorry tale but she was awesome and really helped me.

I searched for reasons, spoke to all his friends, trying to find someone who knew the whole story but no one did,

Look after yourself Thanks and I'm sorry you are going through this.

Clymene · 11/12/2019 21:06

Firstly, I'm so sorry that you've found out that your husband is a duplicitous wanker. That must be so hard and you must feel enormously powerless because he's gone! You can't leave him because he's dead.

I just wanted to correct something that some posters have written. He didn't choose the OP. If he had, he would have said no to affairs. He chose to lie to her and chose to trample all over their marriage vows and the trust she placed in him.

Please don't gaslight her by trying to make her feel that she's won because he didn't leave her and his kids.

Coronade · 11/12/2019 22:20

Your life is not pathetic, he was.
You are being a wonderful mother and putting your children’s image and memory of their father first. He never put you or his children first.
I think you should open up to a few close friends that you can trust. You may be surprised that in reality they didn’t think he was such a great guy and may of suspected he was unfaithful.

You should not feel any shame you were a loyal, forgiving wife who gave him a second chance to keep her family together.
Be kind to yourself and do not blame yourself for any of this.
Sending you a hug xx

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