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Relationships

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Original poster

Is this sweet or just too much?

27 replies

goodtimesfuntimes · 10/12/2019 19:54

So I have been seeing a new guy for about 6 months, he is very nice and we get on well. I enjoy his compnay and he is really nice to me.

I find some of the things he says really cringy and it puts me off abit.

Like for example today he text me saying "are you feeling amazing and great today as you should" I replied i feel ok ha ha

He replied asking if he should shower me with compliments to make me feel great I said no thanks.

I feel like when we are together we get on really well, but I also feel like i am very busy with work and my dc. I feel like he would like to spend alot more evenings staying over at mine but as i feel so busy I feel like i need more alone time then I have been having recently.

I also feel like if he hasnt seen me for a couple of days he will start messaging me saying he misses me etc when i'm abit like how can you miss me already? I saw you like two days ago and then when we arnt together thats when he says things to express how he feels which I think I find abit over the top.

I think the thing is as i'm very busy and hes not (he works full time but doesnt have too many other commitments) he has alot of spare time to relax and think I guess think, where as the time we have apart I'm running around being busy I don't have so much time to even relax let alone start to feel like I miss him espically if I only saw him 2/3 days ago.

So would you find this kind of thing too much? or do I just sound mean?

Btw he always says i'm very nice to him and caring etc (i'm just not mushy and I have told him this)

OP posts:

Pipandmum · 10/12/2019 19:57

You're just not as into him as he is into you, though he is verging on the creepy. Tell him you need some space.

isitxmasyet · 10/12/2019 19:59

He’s a bit cringe and full on and of find that a turn off

But also you aren’t as fussed about him as he is you clearly. Nothing wrong with that but I’d be examining whether I’m actually ok to just let him go tbh if I were you.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 10/12/2019 19:59

I don't think it's entirely creepy, his behaviour. It would be acceptable for someone as enamoured about him as he is with you. I think it's simply a mismatch, and you might be better calling it a day.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2019 20:00

He sounds fucking creepy. He's love bombing you which is always a red flag. You know he isn't the man for you, and it's obvious from your post that you're not suited for each other. Bin and move on.

Crystal87 · 10/12/2019 20:32

You don't sound as though you like him very much. He's wanting the relationship to develop and see you more often and I think after 6 months that is reasonable. But if that's not what you want then that's fine too, but I'd be honest with him and let him decide whether he wants to pursue it or not.

RLEOM · 10/12/2019 20:50

You're not that into him. Although it is a bit sickly, you'd appreciate it if you really liked him.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 10/12/2019 20:53

He’s a bit cringe

Doesn’t sound like your that in to him, so why continue with it??

dontgobaconmyheart · 11/12/2019 00:16

Agree that don't sound that into him OP, just because it's going ok and a man is being nice to you doesn't mean it's the right fit or that you owe him anything or need to pursue it if you feel too busy to engage in the some way he is and enjoy your spare time.

Without knowing the other comments it is hard to say but he does sound a bit creepy and like he is just spouting nonsense instead of anything intelligent or meaningful- this would grate on me.

Flamingnora123 · 11/12/2019 00:39

My husband does this still after years and years!! I find it so cringe and never know what to say back, even now. It's always OTT on birthday and anniversary cards too. I tend to reply with, "U OK hun?" or, "cheers! No too shabby yourself" because it all feels so false to just repeat the same thing back or anything similar. I can say though that he is a really lovely bloke and it's not coming from a creepy place. So don't judge your fella on this, he may simply adore you and want to build you up.

ChristmasFluff · 11/12/2019 07:49

I don't think this is love-bombing or creepy, because it's the 6 month stage - you know, the prime 'I cannot bear to be without you/you're the cream to my coffee/ you're the best thing that ever happened to me/ everything I do, I do it for you' stage?

It doesn't feel that way to you because he's not the man for you. Oh, you like him well enough, and I'm sure you are good company for eachother. But you're just not that into him - and he is into you.

Startingoveragain1 · 11/12/2019 07:50

I think he likes you more than you like him. He obviously wants something more steady and committed, which i think is normal after 6 months. You just have to think about what it is you're looking for and whether you want the same thing. Seems like he is a lot more invested

Original poster

goodtimesfuntimes · 11/12/2019 08:50

The thing is I don't feel like I'm not I to him I really like being with him etc and I would be really sad if I didn't see him again and if we were not together so I don't think that's it.

I do understand things progress as time goes on and for example a couple of weeks ago he stayed over 4 nights that week so it's not like I'm not progressing with him and giving him more time its just this week I feel like it's alot and I have had other things going on and would like a little space.

With regards to other commitments I work 2 days and 3 evenings per week, the evening job is my own business so I have alot of work to do for that and on the days I am off in the week I am at home doing things for the business then I am out working and get home around 9pm or later on those evenings.

Even last night we spoke on the phone for 2 hours and at the end of the call he said we have been on the phone for 2 hours that's not bad, and said we hadn't spoken on the phone for days.

I reminded him we had spoken on the phone yesterday and when he checked his call register he realised we were on the phone for 45 mins and he said he forgot about that.

We hadn't spoken on the phone the night before as I was feeling upset about something that had nothing to do with him that I had to deal with and he was very aware of this.

Also we had been texting all day everyday on those days so it's not like I went quiet and ignored him.

OP posts:

ravenmum · 11/12/2019 09:10

To be honest it sounds as if you don't need a boyfriend right now. If you need someone to meet up a couple of nights a week, and who won't disturb you too much with messages or be openly affectionate, why not look for a FWB or other casual relationship where neither party expects it to go any further? There are plenty of men out there who don't want to have a full-on relationship either.

In the long run, if you stay with this guy it sounds like you're just going to be annoyed or guilted into spending more time with him than you actually want, while he's likely to feel he's not getting much attention.

I quite like a bit of the "You're gorgeous" - "No, YOU'RE gorgeous" loved-up nonsense, but it has to be shared, or both sides feel unhappy. My exh found it important to say the words "I love you", which is not so much my style, and ended up insinuating that I was cold-hearted if I didn't say it. Now I have a bf who doesn't like any lovey dovey talk at all. That's the one thing that makes me wonder if I should look for someone new!

HundredMilesAnHour · 11/12/2019 09:15

It really doesn't sound like you're that into him. He sounds like a nice distraction for when you're not busy with your business but he clearly wants something much more serious and intense than you. The creepy fawning comments would put me off him too. Although maybe that's his (somewhat misguided) way of trying to tell you that he wants things to be more serious. I don't think you're compatible to be honest as you both want different things.

BuildBuildings · 11/12/2019 09:19

I don't think it's creepy. I think he just likes you more than you like him just because you would be sad if you didn't see him again doesn't mean you like him as much as he likes you.

puds11 · 11/12/2019 09:19

@goodtimesfuntimes can I ask, previous to this we’re you on your own for a while or have rubbish relationships? I had a shit relationship then was on my own for 6 years. My now husband is like this. Very complimentary, what I would describe as mushy, misses me after about 2 minutes. I used to find it odd but I just wasn’t used to someone actually saying nice things to me or missing me or wondering what I was up to. He still gets a if he’s very complimentary.

puds11 · 11/12/2019 09:20

Were not we’re f auto correct

plumbabe · 11/12/2019 10:17

I’d love this to be honest but then I’ve got a cold fish for a husband. Never messages. I could be out for a week and he wouldn’t message. I’d love to get messages that showed somebody cared

SaltedCaramelWithEverything · 11/12/2019 10:26

I get why it's putting you off. The comments are a bit sickly sweet....verging in creepy.

However, if I didn't miss someone after a couple of days, I would wonder where it was going. If you don't want anything serious, fair enough, but if he's not on the same page, then it's not fair and you should probably end things.

onanothertrain · 11/12/2019 11:31

I don't think it's creepy either especially at the 6 month mark. I agree you're not that into him and possibly don't even like him that much. Perhaps you should end the relationship and stop wasting his time.

anotherdisaster · 11/12/2019 11:44

He;s clearly just a mushy type person, and you are not. Simple as that. I think its fair to just tell him straight that he doesn't need to be showering you with compliments all the time or needing constant contact. Tell him to respect your space a bit more.

SpicyRibs · 11/12/2019 13:12

Not creepy at all imo. He just seems super keen and appears to adore you.

Meanwhile there will be many other threads on here titled: "My bf of 6 months never texts me or gives me compliments, feel so unloved".

I think he likes you more than you like him.

Seems to be the case.

crystalize · 11/12/2019 14:13

Hmmm sounds a bit like he's dominating your time though. Even when apart constant texting and 2 hours on the phone!!! I had one very similar. Ask him to give you space, respect your alone time, cut down length of calls. His reaction will tell you everything. If he sulks then yes hes a needy fucker.

Groovinpeanut · 11/12/2019 14:52

I think you like the idea of him being there to provide a distraction from the mundane side of life. It comes across very much that you're really not in to him. As time moves on relationships should naturally evolve. You're life and work pattern seem to be dictating when you can be together, you also seem to have other issues to deal with along side that. I think you'd probably be better putting relationships on a back burner for now and getting your work/life balance. It's only going to become more apparent to him that you're not into him. If you're with someone you really care about. You would miss them. You don't seem to be too fussed or miss him. You only miss him when it's right for you. You are mismatched really.

AnnaNimmity · 11/12/2019 15:04

oh I think his comments are a bit schmaltzy and yucky too - he could reach out to you with less cringe I think. That said I usually hear from my boyfriend every day several times by message and I usually speak to him too, and we've only been together just over a year. I generally see him a couple of times during the week and most of the weekend.

I think it sounds as though you're feeling smothered by him - whether it's because you're not into him, or just because you need more space than he does, I don't know. A 2 hour conversation is quite a long one! I spoke to my boyfriend last night for about 20 minutes!

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