My darling sister is pregnant with her third child. She has a child with special needs and her current financial situation is unstable. This is mostly to do with the council not helping out with financial support for her child and her husband having to work 4 full time jobs at once. [they are all consultancy roles, it's difficult to get paid on time] Every pregnancy she has is difficult and super hands on.
We are three sisters, who have been there for one another and help each other out in more ways than can be said. Most of our relationship we have been good to one another. For the not so easy parts of our relationship, it's detrimental, destructive and causes a lot of trauma.
My pregnant sister is at the forefront of my mind. I am afraid of losing this relationship even though I work so hard on it. She keeps asking me to support her emotionally the way she does for me. She's able to lift me out of my rut and get me to move past my feelings that take centre stage.
For the past 5 years (I live with her) I have found that listening, understanding her needs, pain, discomfort, being present, trying to engage in some of her favourite activities and bringing her treats that make her happy are a means of supporting her emotionally. Most of the time I am extremely patient.
But this is not enough to help her emotionally. She has an alpha personality and is a boss bitch. I am the youngest and am used to taking orders and being reliable.
She is asking me to step up my emotional support. Sometimes I find this to be incredibly exhausting and not possible, but I realise that she's not asking for a lot. We have had an extremely traumatic life. I've never been pregnant, married or gone through the problems she's going through even though I am there to experience her pain. When she confides in me, I say positive things but mostly stay quiet because I don't feel like what I say actually helps alleviate her stress. (she's also told me it's not helpful).
She tells me I am emotionally immature in this regard. I see her point. I try to change every day, but my emotional maturity doesn't seem to grow the way my sister and I need it to.
Any helpful tips on how to support a mother who has a child with special needs and is constantly in some kind of extreme turmoil?