Issue with relationships at work

[SoloD]

I run a second office of the company, and I am responsible for recruiting and managing my team of 8 staff.

I recently employed a new member of staff, a very capable young woman, fluent in 4 languages, a good communicator and ambitious. She is also objectively very attractive.

Last week one of the directors of the company came to spend a week here, training the staff and preparing for new developments. He has been a friend for some time and I have been aware that he is in an unhappy relationship for some time (sadly with a child).

During the time he was here, he was quite flirty with the woman, to the point where I was thinking of having a word with him. But he soon left and I thought nothing of it.

But last night I get a phone call from him. He admits he spent 8 hours on Saturday texting with her and now can't stop thinking about her etc. And from the sounds of it the flirting is reciprocated.

I am not exactly thrilled by this, but I can see the allure of wanting to find happiness in a relationship. (Mine is not the best either) So I can sympathise to a degree.

But I annoyed as it is likely to damage the team dynamic, and perhaps I am being judgemental here, but I don't think that it is appropriate between a director and an employee.

Then I am also concerned why she is flirting with him, apart from this he is generally a nice and decent person, but he is not exactly attractive and despite the job title the company is small and ploughing all it's money into growing he is a long way from being rich.

I employed her as she came across as very professional and there is nothing she has done in work to make me change my judgement, certainly she does not flirt with the other staff.

I am not quite sure what I should do next. I really don't want to see a family split up, but I would like to support a friend. I don't want personal relationships to interfere with the running of my office. It just seems messy.

Any advice?

With us, relationship's between people at different levels in the same reporting line are forbidden, because of the imbalance of power. That's not to say it never happens, but if it does, people need to be discreet so no one notices. And it has been noticed here.

I thought you were male too

Hmmm. I do get where you're coming from but I also think it's unrealistic and even cruel to expect that couples won't meet at work given how few opportunities there seems to be to meet anyone anywhere else these days. And I also think it's unrealistic and even cruel to expect that married couples won't split up, given how long we live nowadays and that marriage as we practice it was invented by the Victorians who had life expectancy of less than half ours today. I still think your best option is to step back and let things play out and let them work it out between themselves. There's no need for you to get involved, unless you start to see abuse, in which case your best course of action would be to speak to the other directors about your concerns. They're both adults after all. I think what's making you uncomfortable now we've established you don't fancy her for yourself ha ha is that you've been caught up in the messy aftermath of an affair gone wrong before am I right? But it won't necessarily play out the same way this time.

I didn't think you were male, and male posts tend tobe fairly obvious tbh. What weird responses.

This was clearly the catalyst he needed to end his unhappy relationship, sometimes that's needed and I don't blame anyone for it. As he's a friend, maybe just have a friendly conversation that if he is persuing something with this woman you want it kept professionaland out of the workplace. You can't stop it but I think that's fair enough to state.

Ngl for me you come across as a bit jealous that hes been able to start up a new relationship and end his current one after being unhappy and you're still stuck in your own unhappy marriage.

Agree with you @Scapegoatforlife but it's far better to leave an unhappy relationship and be single and then meet someone else than to leave because you've met someone else men who do this often go back once they've had their fun so leaving his wife might well be a temporary thing. I disagree @MsNobodyHere I don't think it's her place to comment about how he chooses to conduct his personal life he may be her friend but he's also her boss!

I didn’t think you were male.

Your workplace seems to have very unprofessional policies. How big is the company? Are you running up against the famous growth problem? (Professional standards do not develop automatically with company size).

It all sounds very incestuous. You are friends but he is a director and you are at a lower level of seniority? Be very careful. This is not a friendship you can be honest in.

@ElloBrian

Small, 15 people in total. Yes growing rapidly and many problems because of that. Which is why the director had asked me to join given my experience with larger companies.

I would like to think the policies of the company are somewhat professional given that I have written post of them. I had not got around to writing about personal relationships in the office, mostly because I have strong feelings about to what extend a company should involve itself in the private lives of employees.

The relationship with the Director is complex, he used to work for me and as he developed his own company, I to an extent mentored, so it is not a straight forward relationship. I feel I can be honest, given that is what the company needs and why I was brought in.

The major problem at this point has been the other director and majority shareholder. Who is a bit old fashioned (he comes from a retail background) when it comes to communications, and staff motivation.