I could really do with some advice from people with more life experience than me. I'm in my early 30s (no kids yet), and have a partner (also no kids) of about two years who is really wonderful. He is kind, loving, considerate, intelligent, good-humoured, empathetic, loyal, honest, reliable, generous, humble, selfless, charitable, principled, supportive, and pretty much every other positive personality trait that I can think of. More than anyone else I've ever met, I think. But I've never felt my heart racing with him, and I've never been overcome with passion for him, and I'm really confused about whether that is something I should be prioritising in any way. We met through a mutual interest, and he's not someone I would have typically been attracted to (he's a bit unusual looking, in a perfectly pleasant way, but I've never thought "phwoar" or anything like that). I grew to like him, and we ended up in a relationship (though I suppose he was the one to make his feelings known in the first place, and I kind of thought "well, I enjoy his company, let's see what happens"). We currently live together, and he is very easy to live with, and takes on his fair share (if not more) of the housework and the mental load. The thing is, the way I hear people my age talk about choosing partners, you'd think that an intense desire to rip each others' clothes off is pretty much a non-negotiable. And it bothers me that I can think of people who DO give me that butterflies-in-stomach feeling (though I have no idea if they would be good partners in other ways, or even be interested in me), and I can't help wondering if I should be waiting for someone kind, considerate etc. who I also fancy the pants off. But what's the chance that I'll come across someone like that? I love my partner, and I feel very comfortable with him. I just can't help wondering if this is a form of "settling". I guess it also bothers me that I know plenty of people who say they have absolutely no doubts about the person they're with, and I've never had that feeling (do people genuinely feel that?), so that also makes me wonder if I'm looking at things in the wrong way.
So I'm hoping that someone with more life experience and wisdom can tell me what they've found to be the really important things in a relationship. I'm feeling increasingly anxious about all of this, especially as I'd really like to have children in the not-too-distant future. It seems to me that the people I've spoken to (who talk about how important it is to feel intense passion for each other) are generally of an age and background where they haven't had to deal with much going wrong in their lives, and so perhaps with that as the basis, the passion element seems very important. But what about when real life challenges enter the picture (e.g. pregnancy/childbirth/child-rearing, bereavement, financial troubles, serious illness etc.)? I'm wondering if then the passion thing becomes kind of irrelevant, and people change their minds about what's important in a relationship. Please help me understand what really matters as life goes on!
I realise it potentially sounds ridiculous to say "here is this person with all these great qualities who I get on with really well, and I'm worrying about whether I fancy him enough", but I have a tendency to try to be too logical about my decisions, and that has definitely ended badly for me in the past, so I'd really appreciate some other opinions!