Guilt about my situation

[Alw2019]

I need some advice if possible, from someone who has perhaps felt in this situation themselves.

I will give you a run down of my situation. I fell pregnant at 19 with my son, unplanned failed depo injection. His father did not want to be involved which was difficult but as we live 300+ miles from each other I accepted his wishes.

Baby arrived in 2017, I went back to work after 5 months as I was a lone parent and needed the money to care for my son. I live with my parents. My father has a brain injury which left him ill when I was 5 months pregnant and my mother only works part time so I have ended up sacrificing a large amount of my wages to keep them a float.

On top of living costs, childcare, money given to the household for parents mortgage, food, bills I am left with little to put into savings each month to move out eventually.

Fast forward to present, I am engaged to a wonderful man. His family are so lovely and they have accepted myself and DS into the family as if we were their own. Things have gotten difficult at home for me, my father is very angry and unreasonable because of his head injury and he has never treated me very well but he is my father, and I adore my mother and I could not see her suffer financially.

Things have gotten so bad at home with arguments and my fathers general treatment of myself and my mother that my fiancé and I have decided we must find a place of our own and start our life with DS.

My problem is, I have little savings due to my situation, he has a lot more than me and his mum and dad are willing to give some cash for house deposit etc.

I feel this unbearable guilt, as I like to think I'm independent and I wouldn't want things not to be equal in something so big like buying a house. I feel embarrassed that I have nothing to show for going back to work so early after DS was born, that my fiancé is having to front up a large amount of money for the house and his parents are bailing us out further.

How do I overcome this guilt? I worry every night and I feel like I am sponging off their family. My fiancé has reassured me that it's not the case but it's not helping.

Any advice is appreciated.

Sounds like you've had a really shit time of it OP, and worked hard throughout. In honesty, if he were a boyfriend I'd think again, but this is a man you're going to marry. Potentially have future children with? You've promised yourself to each other. You're not a layabout. You've done the absolute best you can. You say your DF is becoming aggressive, that's no situation for a child to be in. I would take their offer. And stop with the guilt. You've decided to get married (congrats btw!) And so what's his is yours and vice versa. The tables will turn down the line. You just need to do what's best for your new family, and most importantly, your DC. Good luck :)

Don't feel guilty . You spent a large amount of your money and time looking after your family . It's not always about the Pounds that people bring to a relationship - it is the love, loyalty and support . You can give that in spades to your fiancé as you have proved yourself a person like that with your family .

As pp said, you have so much more to bring to the relationship than money. Try not to feel guilty. I’m sure your fiancé and his family would hate for you to feel that way. The situation you were in is through no fault of your own. I’m sure they have complete respect for how you’ve handled the cards you’ve been dealt and I’m sure that’s why they are so happy to help. You deserve a break and it sounds like they are more than happy to give it to you.

Depending on your I come you could be entitled to childcare benifit. Your parents should also be receiving some sort of benifit so you don't have to pay so much for them. How will they manage when you leave?
I wouldn't feel guilty about not having savings. You have been in a tough position and have done everything you could to keep everyone afloat.