I'm nearly 5 months pregnant with my 2nd child (we have a nearly 4yo) and I want to leave my partner.
We do not have a good relationship, it's a continuous cycle of ups & more downs.
I'd like advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation & how they have coped with a 4yo & a new baby on their own!
Would you wait until the baby is older to leave?
Or is it best to just go straight away?
The first half of this year I thought we had turned a corner & had started to 'mature' as a couple. Hence we planned to have another baby, something I've wanted for a while but only if we could get our relationship on track.
Ever since I have been pregnant I feel like the relationship has shifted massively.
My partner started going out drinking again, he has a problem with alcohol & doesn't stop once he's started. Often not coming home after nights out, leaving me holding the fort at home, the worst being the weekend of our LO's first birthday when we had a party at home, OH stayed in bed whilst I hosted mostly his friends!
Over the last few years he has gone sober a few times, lasting up to six months but it always ends in a binge.
He has a season ticket for a London football club which he has started going to a lot more regularly. This December he is going nearly every week! He has only drunk on one occasion this season but he is out of the house for a good 15hrs at a time! It's 2.5hrs to London each way! Then he's tired, lazy & grumpy the next day!
In addition to this he has threatened to get a job in London to earn more money! But this will mean him being out of the house for 14hrs a day or renting a room during the week!
I feel he is very little help at home. Apart from picking our LO up from nursery & cooking dinner, OH does not help me with our LO at all. I do every bedtime & every morning routine. I used to go running twice a week before I got pregnant & I'd get home about 9pm to find LO still awake with no attempt made at bedtime. I quite often find my LO in front of the TV when I get home from work!
I have tried to set routines to follow & reduce the screen time but by day 3 my other half finds a way to sabotage the routine!
I should also add that I manage all the bills. We split everything pretty much 50:50. However, my OH expects me to pay for all treats & takeaways for some reason.
He hides how much money he has from me & so when I run out of money towards the end of the month, he'll say he doesn't have anything either but it's a lie as I've then seen his bank balance on a couple of occasions. The last time I saw it was £1,000.
Whilst on holiday he never took his bank card out of the safe so I paid for everything, it took him 2 months to give half the money spent back to me.
I organise everything; anything LO needs, days out, LO's birthdays, holidays (hence we've only been on 3 holidays in nearly 12 years), gifts for everyone including his family & friends.
Most of my birthdays or Christmas he doesn't get me so much as a card as he says he hasn't had time! I've taken to buying my own stocking fillers so I have something to open with my LO! And I've stopped being extravagant with his gifts so for his recent birthday he got a set of pants.
I feel like things will never change & the only solution is to move out when I have saved the rental deposit...which I will have in a couple of months! OH is unlikely to leave as he always says we can work things out & he'll do better!
I need to be able to focus solely on my children, getting back to being happy & moving on with my life.
Any advice or perspective is greatly appreciated, thank you in advance x