Come talk to me about your second wedding...

[Y0ubetterwerk]

DP proposed this week and it's all lovely. Been together two years, still not living together (slow steps for my DC. We only started overnights a few months ago). He's very much a part of our lives and has been super respectful of my time line (and that the DC will always come first and I won't be afraid to kick him out If needs be!)

He's just a decent guy who wants to be a part of our family, which is lovely. ExH was the opposite and is still a selfish royal pain in the arse.

Anyhow, wedding is miles away as I've said we need to live together as a family for 2 years first. He's not got kids and I'm under no allusions that going from being a single guy in your own house to living in a small house with three other people will be a big jump for him as well as us. There's no rush.

But I'm in a post-proposal bubble. I never thought I'd get married again and I'm thinking of what I want but really have no idea!

First wedding was small and relaxed, with a huge party later on. Loads of food, great music and booze. I had a great day and would happily repeat it (not in the same venue) but Is that weird? Aren't I supposed to do something different second time round?

It's his first wedding so I feel he should call the shots but he's pulling the 'as long as we get married, I don't care' card. I suggested eloping but that's where he drew the line.

Hit me with your amazing wedding plans. Not crazy money but fun, relaxed and kid friendly.

Thanks!!!

The 4 of you plus parents at a registry office plus 2 witnesses.

Then hire a pub with food and a band and have a party.

This is what I would do but it’s similar to your first wedding so 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

for Me it’s not a wedding unless you’ve seen the actual ceremony so went to a venue with a ceremony room and party venue under one roof. Free booze and bar all the way through and really good food because that’s our thing. Walked down the aisle together. No photographer, told guests to take lots of photos and set up a Dropbox for them to share them.

I'm getting married next year, 2nd time. The only thing we were both adamant about was that it is a church wedding. That works for me as I wasn't married in a church first time.

Getting married late, then straight into a party at a local hired hall.

Nothing formal, no sit down meal and speeches etc - this is not DH to be at all, he would struggle with a speech and said he preferred not to do one.

Bridesmaids are in white, I am most definitely not.

So far, it has been the most lovely time organising it all and total cost for EVERYTHING will come in under the 3k mark

We have been together almost 4 years and lived together with my DCx3 for 3 years. He's an amazing stepdad to them, their own father cannot give a rat's ass about them, and his sole aim is to give me as much grief as possible. So I have withdrawn and gone no contact with him at all. DH2b aorta all that out too. I can't wait to be his wife!!

My second wedding was massive! Partly due to in laws who invited 30 of their friends to start with and then told us about it

We did register office with closest family and friends (all they could accommodate) then huge party at community centre with mini ceremony, band, sit down buffet. Main learning was we should have gone for a proper sit where you like buffet as by marrying in our 30s everyone had small kids and a seating plan/formal tables was a chore for everyone. But we had fun.

A nice registry office and then meal at a restaurant we really like with parents, sibling and best friend each. And then a party a month later. Was fun.

I'm getting married 7 weeks on Saturday!!!!! Second wedding for both of us. We didn't want a massive party but still wanted it to feel special to us. We've gone for a gorgeous place in the Cotswolds where we will have 38 guests. The evening is music on an iPod, cakes, drinks and chatting. Im so excited 👰👰👰

We're also getting married for 2nd time in spring next year and we've been together over ten years. We were both agreed that we didn't want a big one so will have about 18 people (close family and friends) to a stylish country venue which has been a very special place to us in our relationship so far. The registrar will come to the venue then we will host a lovely lunch in a private room there. We will then stay at a local hotel for the night. Both very excited

I got married the 2nd time last year, it was his first. We had a small ceremony in a registry office as late as we could get and then went to the local football club which we had hired out. Had tables and chairs set up with the white tablecloths/chair covers and sashes, and jam jars with wire lights inside. We had a landrover that had a pizza oven in the back cab cooking pizzas for our guests and a DJ disco. Everyone had a great time and it was just relaxed and easy! We then walked into town at the end of the night and caught a taxi home!! Onky downside was going back down the next day to clear the room!!!

Honestly this is a bit of a downer but why are you thinking of what kind of wedding you want when you don't live together yet?

It would be a bit different if you had no kids, but you do. He's only just started staying over night, and yes you are absolutely doing the right thing by going slow. All I'm trying to say is maybe dont get your hopes up about a dream wedding when he may bolt as soon as he finds out what it means to live with kids that aren't his. Hopefully he is a good guy like you say, I mean I know guys like that who do live with women and help raise their kids as their own. But I've also seen a lot of times were it doesn't work out, and even some much worse circumstances that can happen. Youve known him for two years, but some people have known their partners longer and still been surprised by how they change.

Rather than planning a wedding for a few years time, just focus on what is happening now and take it from there. Come back here in a few years and ask for help then on the planning. It would just be a shame if you got your hopes built up about a dream wedding only for him to do a runner when things get difficult.

First marriage for me but second for DH if that counts?

First marriage - registry office, about 40 close friends and family, no white dress, went to park afterwards for photos and then reception in some sort of hall (cricket club or the like).

Second wedding (to me) - 25 guests, all close family. We got married in the church we attend as a family (DH, DSD and I) and had DSD as bridesmaid / ringbearer. We walked down the aisle together as we wanted to start things equally. Made our own cake. Had photos just the two of us at the beach afterwards and then went to the golf club for a hot meal and a couple of drinks, all home by 9 pm. It was gorgeous!

It didn't matter that some of the things he had done before. It was our wedding. We've all got things in our past but that doesn't make it less special for the person we are with now. I do understand your concerns though as our original plan was almost identical to his first wedding. Tbh the only reason we switched was because we became settled in our church and decided the christian aspect was important to us which then meant switching photo location as there's no park nearby. It wouldn't have been any less special if we had stuck to the original plan though.

I'm sure you'll have a fabulous day and your stbDH is right, the important part is the marriage and the officially joining together of your family. Congrats and have fun planning.

Nowt like putting a downer on nice thoughts, Christmassweets! As indicated, wedding is a million miles away but I'm excited with the niceness and just keen to hear what folk did. He may well do a bolt, but that's why I have a two year rule and also, fuck him if he does!

I like the sound of low key, and food will play a huge part of it. Late registry office, hall with license, band, music, booze and food.

All sounds lovely!

When I married dh we eloped just the two of us to Gretna! It was lovely BUT I do feel that I missed out on the big day really, having all our family around us and making a full day of it. I would like to get married again (to him) and do it that way, with our dc there now as well!

Third wedding for me was 10 people (Inc us) at Registry Office (latest they could do) followed by sit down dinner and then another 10 people joined us for cake and drink and dancing later. It was a week day, but everyone was local and I couldn't stay up too late due to my health.

Both myself and dh were 2nd wedding. We had a lovely relaxed day, at a local posh pub, where dogs were welcome, and ours were running free entertaining the guests!

Food was semi fancy, semi relaxed bbq where guests could sit indoors or outside in the garden which thankfully stayed lovely and warm in June.

I was on mat leave so ordered a ton of flowers and did them myself, which was really fun. Big on flowers, colour and just a relaxed atmosphere. Not a late one as we had a 5 month old DD and we all collapsed asleep about 10pm but a really lovely fun day.

It was my dh first and my second. I was in your df mind set, just wanted a small registry office with minimal fuss, he wanted the big white wedding. We compromised on getting married in a hotel, 30 day guests, late afternoon wedding with wedding breakfast about 4pm, and a decent party in the same location for friends (ended up being 100+ guests). I really enjoyed it in the end

2nd wedding for both of us and we eloped and got married in Glencoe. Just us two, our humanist celebrant and two witnesses off Mumsnet. It was perfect