Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Messy husband. Help.

13 replies

CrispsCrazy · 09/12/2019 21:42

Hi, this is my first post. I've been married for 4 years now and I really can't take my husbands messy ways anymore. I'm continually picking up baccy from the bathroom floor, I picked up a tonne of dog ends in the garden. His side of the bed is gross, I pointed it out and said I refuse to sleep in the bed like that so I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. He always looks messy and I feel a bit embarrassed by it. On the positive side he is kind, caring and a great step dad to my children. I've had plenty of words to him about his messiness but he doesn't change and I can't deal with it anymore. What would you do? Would you leave him?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 09/12/2019 21:44

Is it a deal breaker?

Why is there baccy in the bathroom? Does he smoke in the house?

Only you know whether it's worth splitting over. Seperate houses can work for some couples.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2019 21:46

I couldn't and wouldn't live with a man like that. He's disgusting.

thistimelastweek · 09/12/2019 21:47

Messy v kind, caring and a great dad.
It's a tough one.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/12/2019 21:48

I'd be telling him he shapes up or ships out OP. Hasn't he got a bloody ashtray in the garden?? Why not? As for the bathroom! What's it doing in there in the first place!

Original poster

CrispsCrazy · 09/12/2019 21:51

He smokes rollies, so it's on the floor, the window sill and no he doesn't smoke in the house. Part of me thinks I'm with him as I'm middle aged and if we split I'll be on my own forever.

OP posts:

Bananalanacake · 09/12/2019 21:52

I like the way you call poo "dog ends"

Apolloanddaphne · 09/12/2019 21:55

Dog ends isn't poo it is the ends of cigarettes that have been smoked.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 09/12/2019 21:56

Part of me thinks I'm with him as I'm middle aged and if we split I'll be on my own forever

That kind of thinking isn't fair on either of you.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/12/2019 21:59

Who cares if he smokes!?? He can make his cigarettes outside! That's a disgusting way for him to go on. Your children deserve better.

Look....I smoke on occasion...bought cigarettes...but I know what a filthy thing it is to do and so only ever in the garden and NEVER leave evidence!

Original poster

CrispsCrazy · 09/12/2019 22:00

I know it's bad to think like that. Maybe I should send him to live with his parents for a while and then see how I feel.

OP posts:

OhioOhioOhio · 09/12/2019 22:01

One of the best things about throwing my h out is not having to deal with his fkn mess.

BillHadersNewWife · 09/12/2019 22:04

Yes! Send him to his parents and make sure he knows why. The keeping his side of the bed badly is disrespectful to you...my DH and I both have a few bad habits but we're constantly working to stop them for the other person.

He piles clothing up on his side and it annoys me so he always works on stopping...I have a habit of leaving a big mess of sewing stuff out in our dining room meaning he can't eat there easily...so I work on that.

I'd NEVER leave evidence of smoking in the house though.

Bananalanacake · 09/12/2019 22:59

got that one wrong didn't I ?!

Flip