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Original poster

International Weddings

21 replies

Circadin2 · 09/12/2019 20:53

My brother in law announced about five months ago that he is getting married in Asia (wedding is next week) at a cost of £1500 per person. We have two high school aged children and as the wedding is during term time we faced the additional problem of not being able to take the children with out of school without incurring fines in addition to the £6000 for the tickets. We are not financially affluent so there was no rational way that we could justify going.

My husband is undstandably distraught that he can’t be there as he only has one brother. It’s a horrible position to be put in, we have to choose between missing a hugely important family event, or incurring more debt. But there has been backlash from the wider family that we have just made it happen somehow. It’s causing lots of fights.

My question is are international weddings a reasonable thing to arrange? I understand the bride and groom want their day to be the magical way they imagine it, but it feels so cruel to watch so many family members feel guilt because they can’t make it work, either because of finances or work commitments. (The bride’s sister can’t afford to go either).

OP posts:

Lololololola · 09/12/2019 20:59

Perfectly reasonable as long as they understand most people won't attend. I can't really see why your husband is distraught and it is causing fights and guilt though, that all seems very dramatic. Could your husband not go on his own if he was that desperate to attend a half hour service?

30to50FeralHogs · 09/12/2019 21:02

Its utterly selfish for a couple to marry abroad and then get huffy when family members can't afford (or justify spending family money) on travelling to it. Is his wife-to-be from that country, or are they both from the UK and just travelling there for the location? If the former then its understandable for them to marry there, especially if her family can't afford to travel either and its either them or you! But they should understand that most people don't have £6k hanging about, its 3 x my holiday budget and I only get to go away with my DCs every couple of years!

katy1213 · 09/12/2019 21:09

For £6000 you could have a lovely holiday - somewhere you actually want to go. Leave them to it and look at the photos when they get back.

Original poster

Circadin2 · 09/12/2019 21:20

Both my brother in law and his wife to be are British, so no family connections to the venue.

My husband feels so strongly because it’s a key event in his brother’s life and he can’t be there due to finances

OP posts:

BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2019 21:29

Fuck that ?! £6K on a destination wedding.. no thanks.

Popsicle777 · 09/12/2019 21:33

Why can’t he go on his own for a couple of days?

DecemberDays · 09/12/2019 21:35

But his brother chose the extortionate destination, so in effect put a barrier in the way of your husband being there. Very few people can afford to pay £6000 to attend someone else’s wedding.
It is three times my budget for a holiday with DC abroad every other year.

Echobelly · 09/12/2019 21:37

As has been said, they're OK to organise but not OK to get shitty with people who can't make it or can't afford it. DH floated at one point us marrying in the country his grandfather lived (long haul) but immediately understood when I said that not a single one of my friends would be able to afford that.

Can you not afford even a ticket for husband? Could his family lay out for that at least if it's too much to ask from your family? Though I guess it's a bit late now.

MsNobodyHere · 09/12/2019 21:38

Totally ridiculous and I'd give whoever was whinging a piece of my mind. Selfish to have a wedding where you expect people to pay to attend, let alone that sort of money.

My sibling got married abroad and it was have cost us 5k minimum to go. I didn't even entertain the idea of going and there was no hard feelings at all.

onalongsabbatical · 09/12/2019 21:38

£6000 is a vast amount. It's ridiculous, egotistical, and stupidly, stupidly selfish OP and I'm not surprised everyone's upset. It's not worth it; when did getting married cross over from being joyful celebration into ludicrous and harmful narcissism? Fuck knows, but this one is waaaaay over the line.

Pipandmum · 09/12/2019 21:41

My brother in law got married in Australia because his wife to be was Australian. Hardly anyone was able to go which was perfectly cool with them and they had said they'd do a blessing and reception here too. Which they did and she wore her dress and it was lovely.
Seems like a good solution to me.

lifeisgoodagain · 09/12/2019 21:49

Get married wherever you want but don't expect people to travel!

Feelingabitashamed · 10/12/2019 11:46

It's ridiculous the wider family are causing fights. Even if you had 6 grand to splash, organising it during term time makes it very difficult for you with the kids so they need to accept you can't go. Both be very firm and shut down any arguments on this. If you can manage 1.5k for your husband to go then fair enough but that would be a big chunk out of most families' holiday budget.

It is if course their prerogative to get married anywhere they like but I can't massively see the point in such a long haul wedding if neither have any connection to the region and family attendance is important. Surely that's what the honeymoon is for?

sarahjconnor · 10/12/2019 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrayWoman · 10/12/2019 12:07

Why can't DH fly out on his own for a few days?

PurpleDaisies · 10/12/2019 12:10

Dh could go on his own.

It’s totally up to the couple. It’s not unreasonable of them to make that choice if they don’t put pressure on others to come.

Kelsoooo · 10/12/2019 12:13

Fucks sake.

We had a destination wedding (largely due to cost factors actually as well as family politics)

Then had a nice reception when we got home, where I wore the dress and we had the wedding cake. Only our best friends attended the destination. And you know what? That was beautiful.

Your DHs brother sounds like a knob.

caramelbun · 10/12/2019 14:38

It’s reasonable to arrange it. Not reasonable to expect anyone to be able to attend. I always assumed people who do this don’t want a big guest list.

QueenOfTheFae · 10/12/2019 19:49

So can your dh go alone?

KrampusTime · 10/12/2019 19:52

Why can't DH fly out for it, for 4 days or so?

BingoLittlesUncle · 10/12/2019 20:00

I would not spend that amount of money to see any member of my family (or my friends come to that) married. Given the divorce rate, there's a fair chance it'll just be money thrown down the drain.

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