I feel sick even having to write this. My ex ‘partner’ - Tbh I don’t even feel comfortable calling him that, I’ve only ever stayed with him because I felt trapped.
We don’t live together, have one DC who is three. He was absent from DC life for nearly the first two years - but he was also really controlling, spiteful and mean. He did not pay any money, he quit his job and went self employed to avoid paying anything. For background, he has three other children with three different mothers. He is not in contact with any of them currently except for our DC, and does not give money or any support - which really sums him up as a person.
He’s been in DC life for around a year now. He seemed genuinely regretful and made a huge effort to be involved with DC and form a relationship - which I thought was sincere. I wasn’t aware of all his other children at this point. We agreed to take things slowly after a few months, which I regret but I was so lonely and genuinely thought he’d changed. but Gradually he started being controlling.
He wasn’t openly controlling but if I ever do anything he isn’t happy with, there are consequences. Once I said I wasnt comfortable with him staying over at my house, so he didn’t see DC for three weeks and told me it was because I’d pushed him away. He then Slept with someone else and lied about it.
On a personal level - He’s the most boring and unstimulating person ever - he finds a way to spoil anything nice or enjoyable, he has something bad to say about everything and everyone. His personal hygiene has got worse over time, he constantly stinks, he was in my living room once and honestly stunk the room out. confused He will only spend time with DC doing the childminder runs or sitting around in my house. He is nearly 30, and still lives with his parents, who don’t know about all his children. He doesn’t know how to cook, use a washing machine, has credit card debt and ignores the letters from the credit card company 
despite all his massive flaws, he genuinely sees himself as an amazing, desirable person. There’s so many more bad things about him - I’m far from perfect, but he is a really horrible person with few redeeming features. He’s also a complete sleaze.
He refuses to accept that we are over - or he does spiteful mean things to try and get me to ‘try again’. I know he won’t change, and with him it’s like a waiting game to the next awful thing he does.
As he only sees DC on childminder runs and spending time at my house - how can I make boundaries regarding contact? I expect if I ban him from my house he will stop seeing DC entirely.. I know this might happen somewhere down the line anyway, but I really don’t want to be the one responsible for it - I want him to act of his own accord. On a selfish level, it would really affect me if he did stop contact with DC - at the moment, he looks after them at my house at least two evenings a week, where I either see friends or generally have down time.. those little pockets of free time are keeping me sane. i don’t really know what to do or how to handle the situation