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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

sister & love interest

2 replies

sharon777 · 09/12/2019 18:06

I have always had problems with my sister. Unfortunately she is extremely selfish and lashes out at me over the smallest things. I feel sad as I feel that sometimes she is jealous/resentful of me. I am always there for her in so many ways and I can't go on getting repeatedly hurt and let down by her. My mom also has problems with how hurtful she can be and my aunt, cousins, etc have commented on her behaviour. This year has been extremely hard, we have drifted away from each other and on the surface we remain civil and friendly but underneath it there is so much tension. However, last year she called me to meet her to tell me that she was in a relationship with a guy I work with. I don't know him that well as we work in different departments but he seems nice and I was really genuinely happy for her. We spoke for a good while about their relationship and then I confided in her that I liked someone I worked with, he is good friends with her boyfriend and I'm sure she picked up on this as I gave very heavy hints on who it may be, it couldn't have pointed to anyone else. She didn't seem interested to find out so I didn't tell her his name but the clues were so obvious. In the meantime, lets call the person I'm crazy about ..Paul, I feel that he really likes me too but I have been badly hurt before and I am extremely shy around him and he is 9/10 years younger than me so I keep my distance from him but I strongly feel he likes me too. Fast forward a few months ago my sister excitedly told me that her friend was meeting up with Paul, they went on a few dates-I was heartbroken!!! I couldn't believe that she would tell me this and be so happy and carefree about it, I'm sure my face gave it away that I wasn't happy but she didn't seem to care. I went to her a week later desperate for some information, trying to find out if he was still meeting up with her friend but she wouldn't say anything except that they weren't. I know since that her friend tried being with Paul again but he wasn't interested. A few weeks ago a new girl at work tried being with Paul, she has a big crush on him and is so confident with him. I envy her confidence and I'm so fearful that they will end up together. After a staff night out she ended up all over him so I left early-gutted. The next morning my sister called over to collect something, I had been crying and she saw how upset I was and asked how the staff night out was, I said it wasn't great and was ready to burst out crying but she just said she was in a hurry and got what she came to collect and left. There was no other mention since that day, no such thing as, 'you seemed really upset, are you okay?', Nothing!!! i feel so so hurt by her. Why can't she have one little conversation with me about him, she is also a lot older than her boyfriend so she would understand the age gap. It would be so easy for her to try to find out if he likes me too but it seems she won't lift a finger to help me or comfort me in any way. I can't forgive her for this but she acts as if everything is fine. I just don't know what to do, it feels hopeless. Please help me with any advice you may have, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you!!!! P.s, I'm not blaming my sister for the situation or lack of one between me and Paul, I am just so hurt and let down by her complete lack of interest and care at times that I have so obviously been upset and distressed especially since I have always been there for her.

OP posts:
noshoesnoshirt · 10/12/2019 09:20

I think you need to tackle the situation with Paul first, before tackling the situation with your sister! Your sister will always be your sister, but Paul won't always be single!! So tell him how you feel!! One way or another the burden of hiding your feelings will be lifted!

Go for it! Tell him!!

And then later down the tracks, you can confront your sister.

P.S. your sister sounds like a see you next Tuesday ! Thanks

highlyunreasonable · 10/12/2019 09:55

There are 2 separate issues here; your sister and your crush

Sister: sounds like a self centred bitch tbh. Have you had it out with her and told her how you feel? Just because she's your sister doesn't mean you have to tolerate her bs.

Paul; as awful as it may feel, it's not anyone else's responsibility for who he sees or what he does. While your sister maybe was a bit of a cow, it's up to Paul what he does. Whether he's dating your sisters friend/ the young girl from work or his grandmas best mate, it's not about you so try not to take everything so personally - harsh reality is if he was really interested in you, he'd have probably made a move by now. Either take the bull by the horns and make the first move with him, or accept that he's allowed to date whoever he wants without considering your feelings.

You have zero control over how other people treat you, but you CAN control how you respond and react to them. Take control a bit more, if you don't like the way your sister is treating you then call her out on it. Sounds like she picks you up and drops you whenever she feels like it, take charge and don't let it happen.

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