Unhappy Marriage

[MaOR]

Hi, just need some guidance/words of wisdom...anything!
Been married for 11 years, 2 children 6 & 9.
Our marriage hasn't been happy for a while. This morning he said to our 9 year old whilst he was crying about going to school that he would "smash his face in" if he didn't stop crying, wtf?? He has also said in front of the children that he felt like hitting me, whilst in the middle of an argument. He is making me so ill, a couple of weeks ago, I was so depressed I couldn't manage showering or leaving the house for days because of how sad he and the situation makes me. I'm so scared of leaving him...practically wise, where would the children and I live, how will they feel etc. I know he must sound like an awful person. He isnt most of the time but these incidences make me worried about how my children will be effected. Thank you

Oh please leave him. You will be so much happier in the end. Why is he making violent threats? Has he ever been violent? I couldn't stay with someone who threatened to hit my/our child. Also the fact your children are now hearing their father say he wants to hit their mother, it's normalising violence.

Oh mate, this is not good for you at all. You deserve so much better than this, especially him saying that in front of the kids, totally out of order. I remember once that my dh called our son "pathetic" because he didn't want to ride his bike once. Doesn't sound like much but I'll never forget it. Loads of problems as a whole, and I'm unhappy too, it all mounts up.Yes it will be hard to leave him, but it will be better in the long run. Hope you can find a way x

Thank you Bearski, I guess I know the road I need to take but so hard. Are you still with your dh? X

@ellejay33 you are totally right, I know this but needed to hear from someone else (despite a stranger). No he has never hit me or the children and I 100% believe he never would, it's just the verbalising of it. But I guess this is nearly as bad.

If he's making threats like that then you definitely need to leave before he carries one out. Get some advice and try and make a plan then leave as soon as you are ready. I know it will be really hard but you'll be glad in the long run. You don't want your DCs to grow up thinking this is normal. Wishing you lots of luck 💐

This normalised behaviour for him. I'm sure he has some reasonable qualities, but I'm afraid that threats of violence are unacceptable. When they grow up, your children will remember that they had a tyrannical father and/or your boy will think that speaking to women this way is acceptable or just normal.

Who knows how leaving will effect the children, but think of it like this - they might really enjoy the peace that it brings and the joy of not having a Dad that shouts and threatens to smash their faces in. THAT, will probably help them look forward to coming home from school each day. Contact a local women's shelter. You need help. Also, you don't have to press charges, but if he does it again, contact the police. You might have to do that now actually. It's best to ask them and a women's shelter for advice on this, but it might do him some good to know the police are aware of what's going on. I wonder if his family & friends know too.

@MaOR oh lovely I feel for you. People have made some great points. You will be better off without him, honestly. I hope you're okay.