Reality check

[mynamechangemyrules]

I am newly post-divorce from a controlling and emotionally abusive ex.

I have met someone through a dating app. We have had really good chats on the phone and text messages etc. for over a month now.

He lives in another country (I'm not in the U.K. and borders aren't a big deal where I am!), one I've also lived in so that's a nice share...

Anyway, I feel like a bloody teenager (I'm 42 with 3 kids...!). I think about him all the time, love it when he texts or calls, find him hilarious and sexy all at once.

So, how can I calm myself down a bit..?!!

He's coming to this country soon and I'm so excited- but as we've discussed a few times- he could be anyone!! It's all so random... I've never dated anyone this way. I met my ex husband when I was 14, and although there were other men before we married, all were met in pubs/ through mates- so this feels weeeeeird.

What are the major checks I should be mentally doing before I basically fling myself at a stranger..?!

I’d be very very careful - dont think that you “know” him because of online contact. He could be anyone. Have you spoken to him on the phone ?

Facetime or Skype him.

I'd give you the same advice as if he was 5 minutes down the road:

• don't over invest, it will only lead to disappointment- chat to others on the app to keep your options open. Remember he's probably chatting to loads of women the same as he is to you.
• its all bullshit til it actually happens. Some men (and women) are great behind a screen but reality can be very different. From behind a screen he can be anyone he wants to be, until you've met and got to know him face to Face i'd reserve judgement.
• don't be shocked if the meeting never happens, many just want a pen pal/ ego boost
• Stay safe if you do meet. You don't know him. Somewhere public and tell someone all the details so they can check you're ok.
• on the off chance he's half decent - good luck! Keep us updated

OMG I immediately for the fear too OP... please be careful lady ...
if he starts making noises about money etc... block

You might dislike him on sight (happened to me.)

Sorry, your afternoon is my night!!

Thanks for the replies, they are so helpful! I've spoken to him and FaceTimed him and all that is 'fine'. We even have shared acquaintances as he lives in a city I used to- I don't know them well enough to go 'oy what's my internet guy like' but still...
Also, I know one of the people he is coming over here to work with. I feel like those are little but important overlaps.
At the moment the thing I am most fearful of is that I won't fancy him in real life 🤣