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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Supporting a depressed partner

4 replies

123456LA · 09/12/2019 11:25

Sorry to post on here, just I’m feeling a little lost and have exhausted all other online resources. My partner has suffered with depressions on and off throughout his life. Recently he’s noticed it creeping back in and is becoming frustrated at not being able to pinpoint why.

I am doing my best to be there for him. Always being available to talk, listen and support him. I reassure him that I am not going anywhere, that I love him unconditionally and we’ll get through it together. But I cannot lie and say it is not affecting me. It is not something we want to broadcast to friends and family as we would rather deal with it privately. He is sleeping a lot more and has no energy. He’s started to distance himself from me, yet when we have friends and family over he appears to have such a great facade with them, laughing and joking. I’m trying not to take it personally. We had such a great relationship and connection, and now the dynamics are completely different. I know it’s the illness and I will always be there to support him but it is becoming really hard. I feel guilty as I know it is not about me and I always put him first but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t starting to struggle with it. I’m feeling very lonely in the relationship and I’m finding myself getting teary on the way to work, I get upset privately so that when I get home I can be strong for him, even though it feels as though he has no interest in me or us anymore. I’m scared the depression pushes us apart and that I’ll be the one clinging on for dear life. Is there anything else I can do to help this situation?

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 09/12/2019 11:29

Hi OP, is he getting professional help? Has he seen his GP? is he on any medication?
Its lovely that you want to be there for him but you MUST look after your own mental health too. Please try to take some time for yourself.
I'm no expert so I have no advice about what else you can do to help other than being there for him but he has to be trying to help himself too so I hope he is also getting professional help.

123456LA · 09/12/2019 11:47

Yes he’s on medication and is seeking professional help. He is trying so I can not fault him on that respect, it is more just how much of a weight it is having on our relationship. I feel like he really doesn’t like me some days and that I am the last person he wants to be around. I am just not sure what to do

OP posts:
Grimple · 09/12/2019 13:07

Sounds like you are doing so much right, and I’d suspect he is genuinely more grateful than he could share. Chances are the distance is caused by him not wanting to drag you down with him when he gets depressed. although you are clearly very strong for supporting him, it also won’t have gone unnoticed that it’s taking its toll on your relationship, and on you. He may even feel guilty that you are bearing the brunt of what ultimately amounts to his thought processes. Talk to him about how it affects you, it’s highly likely he’ll be guessing what you’re feeling (but likely making it far worse in his head than it is in reality, further compounding the issue). And, from experience, it does get better. By all means take care of yourself, but remember, as supportive as you are to him, he should be given the opportunity to be just as supportive to you, and can only do that if you talk openly about how you feel.

Mintlegs · 12/12/2019 03:52

It’s great you are supporting him, however you need to ensure he is supporting you. I

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