Wife left me - heart broken

[Jackit2013]

Hi all, I guess I'm writing this to get things off my chest.

Wife and I have been together for 13 years, married for 5. Since our kids arrived we have spent increasingly less time together, and in last 18 months pretty much none. We drifted apart, although I still love her deeply. Its clearly very different for her, so much so she has left me. I thought I would be ok with it, but she has just managed to find a place to move to, and now she is gone. I'm in pieces and dont know what to do. I'm trying to hold it together for my beautiful kids, but it's just so hard. I thought maybe il try some internet dating, wow that's has messed me up even more. Seeing all these profiles online and no one compares to her. I don't want anyone else, just her and my kids in a happy family. We have everything , good home, schools for kids, good jobs, we have the foundations many want but can never get. Yet it's not enough for her and her mind is made up, she has left the family home.

I'm in the depths of despair and I have to be strong, but I want to scream from the rooftops. I have not only lost her but also her family, friends and the hopes and dreams for the future. It was all planned out before us but now the rug has been pulled from our feet and the landing is sheer agony.

I'm a good man with his heart in the rite place. What have I done ? god help me, my kids and I don't deserve this.

Hey Brad, sorry to hear hat. It's awful, no matter how it happens. Rubbing salt into the wound her texting him. With what I'm going through, yours sounds similar in that your wife wants to escape and would rather look else where than try fix what she had with you.

I was never too into the marriage idea, didn't see the point for a bit of paper. But the more I thought about it, it was the chance to set in stone my intension for the future and to be with one person till end of my day's. Marriage these days means very little to many. I guess I am old fashioned. Marry for life, not until it gets tricky

Too true I believed in this marriage and my little boy was also a big part of our joining together we were very happy, she is ultra cold at the moment but other half of her is offering me tea and a sandwich I don’t understand her if anyone can throw light on that would appreciate it still clutching at straws I guess silly me trying to fix things that can’t be fixed I know that x

@brad - your not being silly at all. You want to save your marriage, that's perfectly normal. Clutching at straws? Maybe, I'm also doing this but if your anything like me, holding onto hope and the good you see in your wife and marriage is worth fighting for. If it doesn't work out then at least you have tried.

My wife didn't cheat (as far as I know). From what you say your wife is being out of order.

Yes she is out of order we was together 10 days ago now doesn’t want to be near me and was sitting on other sofa while texting the other man it’s bloody hard but as I have 5 year old I have to play the game a little just amazes me how she has squashed feelings so quick and already on to the next she blames things I done and when didn’t have job for 4 months but I had 21 interviews in that time and no success it wasn’t through lack of trying think she’s looking to blame me for her cheating .... 🤦‍♂️

@Brad and @Jackit2013 I just want to say how sad your posts have made me, I too went through this two years ago- she called time on 12 years almost without warning and turned mine and ds6 lives upside down almost overnight. She obviously had her reasons (she felt I was not successful enough) but in hindsight it was really unfair of her, so Brad especially I think you may find in months and years to come that you’re really better of without people like that in your life. I certainly wouldn’t go back now I’ve had time to heal and look back at what happened.

Sorry if that not much help but I will say the lovely amazing people on this website might have been the thing that kept me going- there are sadly many many that go through this, particularly this time of year so know you are not alone, hang in there and be as good to yourselves as you can. Big man hugs to you

Thanks LC appreciate any reply’s certainly my worst Xmas in my existence on this planet and to throw my son in to the mix made it so hard on emotions fake Xmas dinner fake Xmas morning all fake fake fake my little boy had lovely day though that’s why I did it, but pain was so high just wanted to cry and crawl in to a ball, at my mums today just trying to have some respite until we can sort what happens with living arrangements she is sending me links to flats to give her advice WTF !!!!!!! I was happily married 10 days ago heartbroken 😭

@brad - funny your wife is asking for advice on flats. My wife asked me to put my name down on a flat because she did not earn enough. So she didn't want me as a husband, but wanted my salary. I told her no, because I did not want to open myself up to issues if she failed to pay the rent, I would be chased for rent, not her!

You need to let her know that she needs to sort her self out. As she has decided to leave you,(and cheat) she cannot expect your help. The only thing that you need to be open about is the care for you child so make sure communication is open for that.

I'm so sorry OP and Brad. Not much advice to give other than to remind you that in 18 months you may be in a completely different situation. You do not know what the future holds but it very well may hold open happiness you can now only dream of. Be good, work hard, focus on your kids and be open to love. Big hugs.