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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I message again or not?

10 replies

Nolikeynorighty1 · 08/12/2019 20:50

Bit of a strange one. After some advice on what to do about an online friendship. Starting speaking to a lady from another forum through mutual life situations, we added each other on social media and spoke nearly every day for around 6 months, getting quite close and get along so well. I was there for her during a difficult situation and her for me.
I last messaged her and she hasn’t read it but has been online a lot lately. It’s been 2 weeks of nothing from her. Bit gutted as we had a good friendship developing. Should I message or leave it? Think she may be busy but it only takes two seconds to read & type back.

OP posts:

Pipandmum · 08/12/2019 20:54

You could message again but only once more then leave it. As you say only takes a few minutes to respond.

JoanBonJovi · 08/12/2019 21:55

Mummyofbananas · 09/12/2019 17:22

I know sometimes I see messages and think I've responded and ive forgotten. I'd send her a light-hearted message and see if she responds, if not leave it at that x

Feelingabitashamed · 09/12/2019 18:45

Another one saying message once and if nothing leave it. Keep it breezy and make sure it's a message that asks something so theres no confusion about whether it 'requires' a response

Spacebowlisback · 09/12/2019 18:46

Did you go from speaking every day to nothing for two weeks or has it been gradual?

anotherdisaster · 09/12/2019 18:46

I agree, message once more but then leave it. If she valued the friendship she would have responded I'm afraid. Perhaps she has started dating someone.

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 09/12/2019 19:04

Perhaps with the Christmas period she was going to reply, but then has been a bit distracted.

Lampan · 09/12/2019 22:32

I say leave it for now. Even if she thought she had replied, you would think she would check your messages again as she hasn’t heard from you in a while, and realise that she never did reply.
Since Christmas is coming, I’d leave it a couple of weeks and then message to wish her a happy Christmas and ask how she’s doing. Christmas gives you a reason to message her again.

DorothyParkersCat · 09/12/2019 23:28

I'd leave it. It's common for people in a crisis situation to need attention and support. When the moments passed, particularly if they've revealed private personal stuff, they are slightly embarrassed by their revelations and want nothing to do with the person who supported them.

If you've never met other than online, it's likely she was using you - not in an unkind or concious way if it was two way support - but once the need for support has gone, so has the interest in the 'friendship' such as it was.

FridayNightPJs · 10/12/2019 12:24

I'd leave it. You messaged her last and haven't heard anything from her in 2 weeks.

In her shoes, whatever her reason for not replying, I'd find it quite stressful if someone I'd never met yet another message.

She might well have met someone in real life but not know how to tell you: she can't break up with you because you're not together; if you're just friends telling you she has met someone might seem odd to her; you were in a weird situation of having developed closeness and emotional intimacy which suggested more than friendship although it wasnt even really that...

She might have been trying to work out what to say and how and now, after 2 weeks, it feels like the moment has passed.

I'd leave it.

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