For those who have tried therapy

[supercee]

To work on relationships. How did you find one? How did you know it was/would be beneficial? How many sessions in did you think 'yes I can see this working'.

I saw on another thread someone said a lightbulb went off after the first session.

I struggle a lot with relationships, not just romantic ones (haven't had a meaningful one in 10 years), but family relationships and friendships so I guess therapy would be good, but it's a big expense to expect a stranger, though qualified, to 'get' you when you aren't sure your supposed nearest and dearest do.

Any positive and not so positive experiences welcomed.

*how did you find a therapist.

Bump

You need a therapist who challenges you in my opinion.

OK that happened, now what?

But if you don't have the money, the best, free-test therapy that is available all around you, several group therapy sessions a week?

Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics (or other dysfuncitonal families), Co-dependents Anonymous or other 12 steps groups.

For £5 donation you get a spiritual gift on how to get the three things necessary for a full rich and happy life/relationships:

authenticity
integrity
connection

they all involve boundaries [yours and others], clear communication and respectful interactions, which is what the 12 Steps blueprint is all about.

The aim of therapy is not for the therapist to 'get you': it is for the therapist to help you to get yourself. It's a long-term commitment. Anyone who 'sees the light' in the first session is merely taking the first step of a relatively lengthy journey.

The aim of therapy is not for the therapist to 'get you': it is for the therapist to help you to get yourself. It's a long-term commitment. Anyone who 'sees the light' in the first session is merely taking the first step of a relatively lengthy journey.

Absolutely this.

And the fact that a therapist is a paid professional, not your nearest and dearest, is part of the point of the exercise -- you don't have a bond compounded of affection/resentment/obligation/guilt etc etc.

Also, as a pp said, you do need someone who challenges you. We all have a narrative/set of underlying beliefs about our selves, and what we are like and why -- and sometimes that's not a helpful narrative to move ahead with, or is preventing us forming strong, mutually-respectful relationships etc. A good therapist should be saying 'You always say x and y about yourself, but isn't z a possibility too?'

I found it a waste of time and money personally and I'd be interested to here others views.

I tried two therapists on the basis it may be a personality thing. I found one because she worked at a centre that was recommended. The other was via a general professional database searching for the therapy I was looking for in an area local to me acombined with wider internet searching of a short list for their websites and reviews and picked one.

The negatives I found were
it was massively time consuming. It's not just travel there but waiting for your session.

it was depressingas an environment and as an experience. Both of them worked out of rented rooms neither of which were nice. One was like a local authority library. The other was like a backroom above a shop. In winter they were dark and souless. In summer they were sweaty, unairconditioned and hot.

the one only did evening appointments and I also found that depressing because its a shit way to end a day. The process is often upsetting and I cried several times. It's really crappy to be in that situation and go home to an empty house.

It maybe that you have to keep going repeatedly for years to get anywhere but its so expensive combined with these other factors that I gave up. I didn't feel I was achieving anything.

The positives

the only positive things I could say about it are that on or one or two occassions (very few out of the sessions I attended) the therapist asked a question or said something that got me to think about my reaction in a way I hadn't thought about before. Before I went I had a high degree of self awareness of my own behaviour so it maybe others would have more of this experience.

One of the therapists did EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which was a therapy I had been looking for. It's really designed to deal with PTSD and trauma. That was very interesting. I can't say it helped enormously but it was a different experience.

For me, if I could have found somewhere really physically convenient (very close to home or work or on journey) in a nice environment with a nice comfortable room (I think this is important as it makes you feel worse to be in a cut price rented room or a sterile environment) that was cheaper I may have kept going.

I also deliberately chose therapists who were female as I've read too much about transferrence and did not want to risk getting attracted to or obsessed with a male therapist (I'm a straight woman).

Waste of time and money.

@supercee You can self-refer on the NHS via Healthy Minds for your area (some courses are online). This link is for Bucks which was the first centre I believe. The courses are free. They are CBT based.

www.oxfordhealth.nhs.uk/healthyminds/

You can self refer in my area too but the help is in the form of six telephone conversations and some "homework" reading and self help cbt exercises that form the basis for the calls.

Watching with interest, i have my first session booked for next week.

I f you dod ecide to spend money on a therapist then think carefully about what you want from a therapist and what you hope to achieve. Make sure you have a "rapport" with the therapist and aren't trying to please or impress them etc.

Find out waht techniques the therapist uses e.g. gestalt, CAT, CBT etc the Bacp site is good in explaining these. I ha some therapy I accessed through my work sevral years ago. I had no choice in therapist and it didn't help. The therapist just got me to talk most of the session "so where would you like to start today?" and then parroted a synopsis of what I said back. I found it upset me to drag up painful stuff and to be given no techniques to help or a plan to work towards.To have to stop no matter where I was at the end of the fifty minutes and be left upset out on the street. The therapist said he hoped he was acting as someone on "my side" and that talking would help "my jug not to overspill" but that it would take years of therapy to help unravel most people's problems not the 10 sessions I could have.

If I paid in the future or had therapy again I would be much more demanding about what I wanted from it.

Thanks all, all helpful responses, especially this - The aim of therapy is not for the therapist to 'get you'. Definitively food for thought.

I also like the 'you do a and b but have you thought about c' comment.

I was self referred via work before (for anxiety which I now have under control. The therapy now I'm seeking would be different) and it consisted of a telephone convo like a PP said and the woman couldn't have been less interested, less enthusiastic if she tried. It was like she was reading off a script.

Going to look into CBT and take on board the advice of being firm in what I want.