Anyone else feeling sorry for themselves reading everyones festive celebration and plans posts?

[Leapoffaith00]

I don't have a close family. I'm not alone as I have 2 dd's. I'm a single parent though with absolutely zero friends. I have work colleagues but nobody close. Everyone is celebrating at Christmas events with work or friends. I'm in bed on Sunday evening at 8pm feeling sorry for myself as I don't go anywhere and didn't see one adult over the weekend. It's usually just me and my dd's which is lovely, of course. I'm starting to dread my weekends. I feel guilty saying that as I love every moment with my dd's. When they're in bed, I go to bed as I'm sick of my own company.
I don't know how to start looking forward to them again?!

What’s caused this friendlessness? Are you unhappy about it in general or isChristmas just making you feel as if you ‘should’ have a busy social life?

Do you have any time without the children / does ExDP have them ever?

Dont worry, i have had years of NC with parents whilst being single. Years of xmas day on my own. You quickly realise that very few people actually enjoy Christmas and enjoying it is more about how you feel in yourself than any external factors.
This year is my first proper xmas with a boyfriend (We had only just started seeing each other last year, yet to sleep over etc) and even this year he will be elsewhere for xmas and im on my own on the day. Its just how it is.

Making adult new friends is tough, i have met people through volunteering at the foodbank and through the website meetups.

To me you are lucky to have the DCs as kids make christmas magical

I have friends etc but my closest family outside my kids live in another country and I can't go every year. My friends are with their own families. So last year it was me and my two kids (I'm a widow). The kids were happy we had a good day and played games but after it all I was left with a big mess and a lonely glass of wine. So even with all the friends in the world Christmas can feel a bit lonely.
In the new year try and work on making some adult friends - put yourself out there. I moved to a new area and had to go way out of my comfort zone to get out and invite people for coffee and try and forge new friendships. It does t always work. But keep at it, go out if invited even if you think you have nothing in common, and don't wait for an invite - do the inviting!

I have never ever had that school friend/s that alot of people have growing up that meet up into adulthood etc. Then married and worked in a number of jobs aside my exh and never made friendships. We seperated and I went back to study. Made a couple of friends at uni but I wouldn't say close. We met for coffee a few times. I tried to arrange evenings out but they would cancel and they already have their own friendship groups. I have recently started a new job. Everyone is lovely but they're colleagues so far.
I'm not sure if it's the time of year or if I'm really struggling with being lonely.
I'm posting because I have noticed that I dread evenings and just want to sleep so I'm not alone. I also dread weekends and I shouldn't be. I just don't know how to fulfil them. I don't know how to fulfil myself I guess.

I am very lucky indeed! My dd's are my everything and I feel lucky every day.
They don't go to their dads.
I do try to invite but how many times do I keep doing it? People cancel all of the time. I have tried to involve myself at work. It seems everyone is busy or already wrapped up in their own social life. I don't want to come across desperate.

Are there any meet up groups in your area that you could join?
Do you think you ever come across as stand-offish or anything like that? Sometimes fear of rejection can make people act a bit distant with other people - there could be things like that that you’re doing without realising?
I find it hard to make friends so I sympathise. I’ve realised that there’s things I do to push people away at times.

You are not alone OP. I was just thinking about the same thing . I have friends but they are all married and have no family here. I have always spent Christmas alone . It's so depressing despite having a dc . I actually deny invitations now as I am always the only one who is alone . It's better to feel sorry for myself than people inviting me out of pity . You are not alone

Going back a couple of years, I would have said almost definitely. Not now though. I feel I am so much more confident and I'm always trying to be friendly. I have tried to organise many things. People cancel. I know it doesn't just happen to me. I think it's difficult to organise things but I never seem to succeed. My friends I met at uni know I'm on my own. I have actually mentioned I get lonely but never ever invite me along to anything. If it was me going out with friends, I know I would invite them if they were alone.
I think it's too late in life for me to make new friends. I just wish I knew how to be less lonely, alone.

Been feeling like this today. Know I’m lucky to have two lovely dc but I’d like someone there for me too. Sending hugs x

Also, I think you may be depressed. Wanting to sleep to not be alone/ pass time is something I do when I’m really down x

56fokouembiyemassj I'm sorry you feel this way too. It's difficult isn't it?! I think it's worse as it's the time of year. Hearing abput peoples weekends and seeing friends on social media out enjoying themselves with a hashtag friends.

02TheMistressQuickly thankyou, sending them right back x
I do question it but I'm not sure I pass the clinical symptoms. I just don't want to feel lonely.

How old are you, OP? I’m in my mid-40s, and have made three genuinely good friends (individually) in the last couple of years — chiefly through work, as where I live is very insular. However, I’ve just decided to move country again, and will be starting from zero there again. But I have no doubt I will, eventually, find new friendships there, too.

I’m sure you’re not too old.

06SolitaryGrape I am 42! I'm sure you will 😊 I just feel like as I haven't ever had any close friends and been single forever, I'm not sure I ever will.

Can you invite a friend for each DD over for an afternoon - and suggest the parents join you for mince pies and a glass of wine when they collect?

That’s a lovely idea 🥰

I’m 43. Shame we didn’t all live near to meet up and have wine and mince pies 🥧

That is a lovely idea indeed! 😊
Yes, that would be lovely too!

You are not alone. I have one good friend who I don’t see much of. My family is not close and my children will be at their dads this Xmas day. There are more people in this situation than you think. When I had my children on my own on Xmas day previous years we went for walks and played with their toys.

Is there a Gingerbread group in your area? That's specifically for single parents and they may have some Christmas things going on.

You could look up a big local church and see if they do Messy Play sessions. They are sessions where parents and children come and do craft together with plenty of helpers, then all have tea together afterwards. It may not be somewhere you make friends, but you get to hang out with other adults as well as DC and have dinner in a sociable setting.

Or Meet Up? The good thing about Meet Up is you can set up your own group, so you could suggest a single parent meet up on a Saturday at a local soft play or play park or an early evening pizza with DC at a local restaurant and see who signs up for it. That way, you'd meet people in a similar situation to you who are looking to make friends.

Can you set yourself some small evening projects? a you tibe yoga video workout each night and a Ted Talk or a free online course. It won't help with the loneliness, but it will help you feel like you are doing something with your time alone - less bored in your own company - and if you get chatting at work and people ask 'what did you get up to?' it gives you something to mention other than an early night.

I just wish I knew how to be less lonely, alone.

There's a book about how to do exactly that. I'm pretty sure I read it years ago (on MN advice.) I definitely read a book on this subject and this is the only one I can find that is so specifically focused on being happy alone so you can, in turn, feel less lonely and attract friends.

Here Why not buy it for yourself for Christmas?

I also think the trick while DC are young is to find social groups for families, so you are not having to find sitters all the time.

There's an article here reviewing 10 books on the subject. So you are definitely not alone in feeling this way, or there'd be no market for the books, or experts focused on the issue.

Where are you based? Maybe some of the mumsnet posters might be in the same area and you could make some new friends. Have a mumsnet meet up in your area? You need new friends

@plumbabe I was just about to ask the same thing.
I'm alone with my boys this Christmas. I'm in London.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP. Its difficult to make new friends once you're an adult. How about the parents of your DDs? Maybe arrange a day out for your dd and her friends and invite the parents along. I've made a good friend through my ds1. How about joining social groups? Just in my small town we have zumba, knitting classes, walking groups, choirs groups. Also a whole bunch of town council meetings about various events which is open to all to attend. Are there anything like that where you live? It would get you out of the house and socializing.