Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Please help

3 replies

qascopak1 · 08/12/2019 16:28

I recently started dating a girl I have knew for 10 years and worked together at my last job (she was married at the time (16 years with a child )

so we recently started speaking on fb to find out her man had been cheating on her, so i was giving her comforting messages ect then we ended up sleeping together on the first night and have been seeing eachother ever since, but she has recently backed off and said she doesnt know how she feels and our whole seeing eachother has been just us whos knows due to her being a private person, she is still married and her man is still seeing this other girl, I as the typical man have been asking whats up ? whats changed ? after 8 months seeing eachother, the conversations getting less and less she then hit me with the friendzone but came to my house and slept with me and seen her 3 nights in a row after that.

shes now saying i think we should just be friends again and my heads a mess what should i do ?

OP posts:

Tableclothing · 08/12/2019 16:37

If she's ended the relationship there isn't much you can do, is there?

A 16-year marriage with a child in the mix was never going to be a straightforward break-up for her.

I would advise focusing on protecting your own feelings as far as possible now. So - if she wants to be in a relationship with you (and that is what you want - are you sure? Are you prepared to be a step father? Are you prepared to support her through a divorce?) then I would not be content to be kept a secret any longer.

If having sex with her but not being in a relationship is messing with your head, then stop having sex with her.
If "being friends" is painful, then you don't have to do that either.

Intheheat · 08/12/2019 16:41

Yes focus on protecting yourself and on what you want. She sounds as if she has a lot on her mind and is not ready to date. You can't change that. Don't be friends if it's going to be painful for you

Notsomellownow · 08/12/2019 16:46

Agreed with others here. Look after your own feelings and protect yourself. Her situation is very complex, she probably doesn't know wha5 she wants at the moment and you really can't make any demands.

Flip