Not sure what to do about friend.

[Toddlerteaplease]

I've posted before about a friend of mine, who's much older than me. I've been concerned about him for a few months as he's withdrawing from everything. I contacted his son, and said I was concerned that he was depressed. They had a chat and everything is "fine"
I'm still convinced that he's depressed, but he will not go to the GP or seen any help at all. He's got capacity so I can't make him. He's now said today that he just wants to die. Don't really know what to do about it. He pushes everything and everyone away. I do care about him, but feel that's he's not my responsibility and I don't want the responsibility either.

Hello I have just this morning posted about something similar. I too was worried as I felt responsibility but at the same time for my own families sake and my own mental health I felt like I couldn’t take it all on. But I felt very guilty. A very nice lady told me that it was important to put your own family and needs first and friendship shouldn’t be something that causes so much concern and grief. The friend I was concerned about has the ability to sort out the problem in her family but is refusing to. At the end of the day, this is not your problem. Sending lots of love as it’s hard x

Thankyou, as you say, it's really really hard to let go. I keep telling myself that I can take a horse to water but can't make it drink.

No. Some people just won’t help themselves and apart from being supportive and offer help there really is nothing you can do if someone won’t help them self. Take care and don’t beat yourself up about it x

If it has just been the last few months-could it be S.A.D? Maybe suggest that to him. If he thinks that could be it, a sunny holiday or a sun lamp might help.

The thing I'm dreading is the time when there are no phone calls, and worrying about what's happened. As that will to me. I don't have key to his flat, and don't want one as that adds another level of responsibility.

@Pinkbonbon he absolutely won't go
On holiday. He doesn't even go to church anymore. And he used to be a daily mass attender.

Maybe if he knew what was wrong had a cause though he would consider it.

Otherwise, youve done all you can. Depression is a very personal battle. All you can do is let him know you are there for him when he needs to talk. Hopefully he will come back to you.

It's been a slow decline over the last few years but now I think it's irreversible. Really really just don't want this on my shoulders. It sounds selfish but he's not my parent.

Yeah that is fair enough. Might be time to take a step back. Don't beat yourself up about it too much. You've tried.

Thanks. I have tried really hard. But it's like banging my head against a wall.

Could you ask the priest for a pastoral visit?done on the "I've not seen you for a while" basis.

I'm sorry, this is so hard for you. Ultimately PPs are right- no one can fix this but him. And sometimes not even him. A million suggestions can be but he has to be able to engage. Try to look after yourself too. Xx

The problem is that he won't let anyone, including me into his flat. The new team of clergy we have got now don't know him.
The only person he would listen too got promoted and moved away. And they e not seen each other since.
He agrees with with you all that it's not my circus and not my monkeys.

'I think it's irreversible. '

No, people come out the other side of depression. You can only do what you're doing now though, really. If he says that he wants to die on the phone or txt or whatever, you can call 999 and they'll come out and assess him. This means he might get some help.

He's not suicidal, he's just tired and fed uphe's 77 and Is feeling his age. He also insists he's not depressed.

I know he won't engage with anyone if he was assessed. He'd certainly not let them into his flat.

I’ve gone through this exact thing myself recently with my best friend. He has been going through a really rough time lately. All I could do was message him every single day. Even if he didn’t reply I still sent the message. He is slowly coming round. I tried lots of tactics. He just needed to do it in his own time. As long as your friend knows you care that’s all you can do.