Growing tired of lazy man child Husband. AIBU?

[Namechangenance]

A bit of background to give a better insight.
He works mon-fri 7:00am-5:00pm
I work Tues-friday and Sundays totalling to 32 hours p/w. I have a DD from a previous relationship that he brings up as his own and as a Husband he's very supportive loving kind but he just needs to grow up.

My only issue is He is one LAZY little shit when it comes to anything other than going to work. I get up every morning. make everyones packed lunches for the day. Get DD ready for school and myself ready for work. I then go to work. Pick DD up from school and then go home clean the house. Make everyone tea. Clean away the mess after tea and before I know it its 8pm before I've even sat down for the day. And this is my life 7 days a week. Im growing bored of having to ASK him to do things around the house even then he's "forgot" OR he's been "napping" and didn't realise it had gotten too late. Even my 9 year old helps me more than he does. All he has to worry about it getting up and going to work. And I just know when I return home from work today he will have done dick all round the house and spent the day on the sofa. Ive tried telling him that I need more help but unless I actually leave him step by step instructions, theres literally no point because he doesn't seem to have his own intuition to do anything off his own back. We do have a great life together other than this but its really starting to weigh on me now. Am I being unreasonable to think he should be pulling his weight.

I think you are putting yourself under unnecessary pressure. It looks as if all 3 of you are out of the house all day. What cleaning needs to be done when you get home from work?

So basically I spend all day on my day off deep cleaning the house. This includes washing and ironing, bathrooms bedding. I literally don't sit down all day on my day off. Then during the week I try my hardest to keep on top of it all. Hoovering often as I have pets too. Cleaning work tops. Clearing up dishes left from the night before.Then I start on tea. I also follow Slimmingwrld Which most of which need cooking from scratch so it takes a while to get that sorted.

Stop doing his laundry. Stop making his meals. Don't do a single thing for him and let him know this is how it will remain until he starts behaving like a real partner. You are not his bloody maid.

To add, hire a cleaner. Right away.

@aquamarine1029

Oh I really wish I could, thats what dreams are made of but. we couldn't afford it. I don't mind cleaning when I have the time to do it. But when I'm at work all day and he's day off he seems to think that its okay for him not to because its "His day off"

Seems like you have both decided the housework is mandatory for you but optional for him.

Exercise your opt out. Total reset of your attitude. He doesn't give you optional help with your mandatory jobs. There are jobs to be done. Don't bother. "You are doing the cleaning this week. I don't want to. I'm going to read my book instead and have a nap."

Everything will go to shit for a while. If you can weather the initial turmoil then it can be OK. You also have to accept in your heart that wifework is not women's work and him washing everyone clothes isn't him "helping" it's him being part of a family.

Stop enabling his behaviour by doing it all.

He's an adult, he can make his own packed lunch for a start.

deep cleaning the house - I am sure that I have never ever done such a thing as this - and have no plans to do so.

Your cleaning regime does sound a bit OTT, but If he does no domestic work then he’s a crap partner and not “bringing DD up as his own”: domestic work is part of cohabiting and parenting.

In the first instance, stop cooking and doing laundry for him.

Yeah I think he should do some but the house doesn’t need a deep clean every week and you are cleaning way too much. No house where both adults work full time and there’s a 9yo in cschool needs a deep clean weekly! So you should clean far less, he should do some of it, and act like a partner. Bedding can be biweekly, too and don’t wash towels daily or clothes worn only once.

I would stop doing anything at all for him. No washing, no cooking. Anything he messes up and doesn't clear away put it all in a box or carrier bag and dump it in his car. If that doesn't work, dump him.

Tbh you seem to spend a lot of time cleaning. How can you possibly need to spend your days off deep cleaning after you've cleaned every day?

Your DH sounds lazy though. When does he ever clean, meal plan, shop, cook, arrange dentists etc?

How about you take turns with him, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc? That would be equal seeing as you both work.

He sounds lazy and needs to get his arse in gear.

Equally you sound like you spend far too much time cleaning but then resent doing it all.

He doesn't need to "help" around the house. He needs to do his fair share as part of being an adult.

Take turns with everything

Cooking tea
Washing up
Doing the laundry
Ironing

If he chooses not to do it on his day, simply cook for yourself and your dc, do your own washing and ironing. Then tell him he has to find a way of paying for a cleaner if he's not prepared to do this fair share

I feel the same op. DH works full time and I'm part time, but he does virtually nothing. I've said to him in the past that he lived on his own, which was is becoming increasingly likely, he'd be washing his own clothes, making his own tea.. everything. And he improves for a while. But then it's back to normal. My weekends are always my busiest time as I'm cleaning, shopping, prepping meals, washing, doing stuff with the kids etc etc... and he's on his playstation. I can't stand it. He does one thing, like mop the kitchen floor, then goes in about everyone walking on it and making it dirty again! I'd rather he didn't bother. End of my tether but have been for a while.

Cleaning is a basic part of adulthood and there's no way I would ever entertain even a single date with someone like this never mind a long term relationship.

I find men many men like this have been overindulged by their mothers....would any man leaving like a slob be in my living space? I think the fuck not.

You could try a rota but seeing as you're already in the routine of being his 'mummy' it's going to be near on impossible to turn it around.

Why on Earth are you making his packed lunch? You’re treating him like a child when you want him to be an adult. He is capable of doing that himself. Is he staying in bed while you run round? He should be making dinner a few nights a week, too.

Man babies aren’t born man babies, they’re enabled. By doing everything’ you are part of the problem. Shit gets done wether he’s involved or not so he’s chosen the most efficient option, the least amount of work for the same result.

The balls in your court, not his.

Get him to read ARTICLE
Not that it will sink in.
While you enable it, he will keep doing it.
Until you have a breakdown and had HAS to do it all.
You need to share out chores equally.
If he won't, then what is the point of him???

OK - let's try this one
Please work article

Whilst I agree he should be doing a share of the household, am I reading your post correctly and he is doing a 50 hour week, 10 hours a day? That seems like a lot. Is it manual work?

Yes, he should do more however, I can’t understand why you’re doing such an excessive amount as it stands.

Seems OTT