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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is just sooo mean

17 replies

Ghostbabe · 07/12/2019 16:52

This morning I got up and put the heater on so it wasn’t cold for the kids when they came down. I got back into bed, my partner woke up and got the kids to take them downstairs. I hadn’t even said one word to him and already he’s being mean “I bet you didn’t even bother to put the heater on did you?”
He constantly cristicises everything I do because I’m not doing it the way he does. For years, I thought he was a god and never spoke up for myself but after he cheated a fews ago I started to call him out on the bullshit he comes out with. When I do this he will talk over me when I talk or just walk off before I’ve had my say. I’ve explained to him I just want him to be nice and it’s so simple to make things better but I get no response back. His communications skills are a one way street and I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through to him. Yesterday I explained his behaviour is going to break up his family but he turned my words around later on, and said “you said you were going to break up this family” How weird is that. I’m at a lost. I don’t want a broken home but I’m miserable. We used to get on so well for years.

OP posts:
PixieDustt · 07/12/2019 17:04

You know you have to leave.
He's vile.

Original poster
Ghostbabe · 07/12/2019 17:09

When I say just be nice. He says we have to be nice to eachother. I explained I’m retaliating to his behaviour that is so mean. He response was don’t retaliate then. Is that crazy?

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 07/12/2019 17:11

Jesus, he's exhausting. It's not going to get better.

rvby · 07/12/2019 17:14

Surely the home is already broken? What good does it do to expose your kids to this toxic relationship? The longer they see him treat you like that, the more likely they are to end up in the same situation when they are adults...

Wildorchidz · 07/12/2019 17:17

Poor kids.
You need to go your separate ways.

Original poster
Ghostbabe · 07/12/2019 17:25

I agree. I dread every weekend.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 07/12/2019 17:26

Just leave, otherwise your kids will start talking to you in the same manner soon.

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/12/2019 17:28

You need to let it all out. Call him a cheat / bully / fucker / anything you want and don’t let him get a word in edgewise. Then leave with your kids. A man who disrepects you by cheating on you, even once, will just keep finding excuses to disrespect you if you stay with him. Don’t be his emotional punching bag

wttaf · 07/12/2019 17:31

He sounds horrible but.... you got back into bed while he took the kids downstairs!? Il swap him for mine Wink

ToddlerTwinsAndUnhinged · 07/12/2019 17:32

I agree with windmillwhirl, he does sound exhausting.
You seem to always be in a "can't win" situation, no matter what you say. He sounds manipulative and narcissistic. You can leave him, or ignore the prat.

puds11 · 07/12/2019 17:35

You don’t want a broken home but you’re happy to live with a cheating arsehole? Ok then.

Original poster
Ghostbabe · 07/12/2019 22:47

We had a chat tonight. Thought I’d got through. Two hours later back to him being moody again. Thank you everyone. I’m off to make a better life for me and the kids

OP posts:
JumpyLiz · 07/12/2019 22:50

Course you are love.

Wildorchidz · 07/12/2019 22:50

Right so

Pinkbonbon · 07/12/2019 22:55

People going through narcissistic abuse often get caught in a cycle of 'if I could just explain myself properly, he'd understand...' (And not be mean/hurt me). Infact it is YOU that doesn't understand: He DOES understand. He just doesn't care!

He isn't like you and he doesn't like you. He is a bully. He wants you to feel constantly drained and like you need to moderate your behaviour to stop him being mean. Nothing you do will change him. His prime objective is to make you feel like shit in order to make himself feel good.

Get yourself and the kids away from him.

Oh and, incase you need to hear it: You are not bad. You are not stupid. You are not crazy and - Your feelings are valid.

Original poster
Ghostbabe · 11/12/2019 09:42

Thank you pinkbonbon

The relationship is over now. Living together while I can sort my own place to live. I don’t want to live in this house, to many memories. I want a fresh start.
We had a row yesterday and he said to our daughter. “Don’t worry about your mum she will be out of here soon” she is 8 yrs old and was in floods of tears. Because of this I have now told him any communication with me must be through text. I don’t believe he thinks I will leave but after him saying that to our daughter there is no turning back.
He also said it’s all my fault we are in this situation. I have never done anything to this man, until recently when I started sticking up for myself. I find it disturbing he accuses me of the things that it’s him actually doing. You can reason with him as he just talks over you. I’m actually excited for a new life away from him.

OP posts:
Greygooseorchid · 11/12/2019 10:28

I hope you get out soon, what a horrible vile man to say that to a child. Do you think it will be a long time before you can leave? Will he not move out?
Do you have any family you and your children can stay with until you find a place of your own?

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