Back 10 years ago me and H we’re going through a rough patch. We used to argue constantly, and basically couldn’t stand to be in the same room as each other. He became a very selfish and miserable person. I was desperately unhappy. I tried to talk about it and all I got was “I’m fine it’s all in
Your head there is nothing wrong” he would then close down any conversation I tried to have with him about it.
Long story short, he was cheating on me with a temp from work. It was very short lived as I found out and told her husband in anger. It ended between them, He then left me as his story then changed and apparently he hadn’t been happy for years. Prior to this I wanted to end our marriage as I was so unhappy but after I found out I desperately wanted him back. I did a complete U turn and massively did the pick me dance. I’m so ashamed looking back now on how I behaved back then.
We got back together and things were a lot better for a few years, we were actually happy but then he reverted back to his old self.
We’re now 10 years down the line since he cheated and I’ve not been happy for quite a few years, recently I’ve been looking at houses on the market for me and the DC as I have considered separating but I’m struggling to say those words out loud. I can’t tolerate him, he is so fucking miserable it’s unreal. And the constant moaning about absolutely everything. Everything is such a huge ordeal with him.
The kids are now picking up his ways and are speaking to me in the same rude manner. When I pull them up on it the eldest quite often says “it’s alright for Dad to say that.
He is the most unaffectionate person, no affection there at all, absolutely nothing. Not even during sex, he no longer “does kissing” to be honest I feel unloved. He also doesn’t do compliments either, apparently I haven’t looked nice for 13 years. If I ever ask his opinion the answer is “stop fishing for compliments”
A few weeks back we went out with another couple, for a little while now I’ve had a inkling that my H likes the wife. I’m now certain he does. As soon as he saw her he said she looked really nice. This actually made me feel gutted. Kept sitting by her touching her arm, he was all over her all night. She did get a little drunk and was laughing away at his jokes. But towards me he kept making little digs. We had to walk down a really steep bank and H was in the middle of us both he grabbed her and said let me help you. Then linked arms with her and started walking like that. Whilst I slipped. He then commented saying I was showing him up again.
At the end of the night he gave her the biggest hug (something I very rarely get)
This couple are very kissy cuddley towards friends so went completely unnoticed by them.
The husband of the couple said to me when his wife and H were at the bar that H has been his absolute rock lately as they have been going through a rough patch, H has been coaching him to buy her flowers etc and how to get the intimacy back. I was absolutely floored.
I actually silently cried on the way home, This will sound so pathetic but the fact is I was completely jealous. They are lovely people BTW but there now asking to go out with us again and I just can’t see my H be like that towards another woman.
This was the turning point for me, that night I knew it was the end of our marriage but I didn’t want to say anything as I knew how pathetic I sounded. I was going to wait until the next day, and then basically bottled it as it’s so close to Christmas and haven’t brought up that night at all.
I need to find the courage to speak out, but I just don’t know how.