Is it me in the wrong?

[d3stroyedhubby]

My wife and I have been together for 20 years and have 2 kids. 5 months ago she turned round out of the blue and said she wanted to separate with no prior warning at all. She wanted me to sleep in another room but still live at home and go on holiday together and stuff so that the kids wouldn't know any different. She immediately said there was no one else which immediately made me realise that there was. After confronting her I found out that on a night out 4 months before a work colleague (her new boss) had started chatting her up and since then she has been smitten, trouble for her is he hasn't even looked the way she is standing since then. He had to get put in a taxi home that night and cannot remember a thing about it and she couldn’t get her key in the door when she got home! We talked it out and she started with the "I haven't been happy for a while" but we are going to try and improve things.
She has never been secretive but now every time she goes on the internet it is either on here, reading about other people who have done similar things or advice on divorce, or, it is on other sites which give advice on how to get the attention of someone you want and how to pull someone who isn't interested in you etc. We are now 5 months on since she said she wants to try and fix things but she has been searching for her old bf's online, joined tinder and still refuses to stop looking at all the sites which give tips and tricks to try and get together with people. Most recently I found her on the log on page of illicitencounters.com, this is secret dating for married people. Before any of this happened I would not have thought twice about her being on any of these sites and would just have laughed it off but now she is deliberately hiding it and it is not just harmless fun any more.
I’ve since found out that she tried to get her boss into her hotel room after she had told me about all this and we were supposed to be trying to get back on track, she doesn’t like the fact I know and we have now separated but still in the same house.
She said she just wants to start again with someone else and get “those feelings” and needs space. I don’t understand how this is possible to give her space and she can start again when nothing has changed except I have moved bedrooms. All the daily routines are the same only now she knows she can do whatever she wants if she goes out, this seems like a having her cake and eating it scenario to me!
Am I wrong thinking that if one person decides it’s over because they were having feelings for someone else or trying to have an affair then they usually pack a case and move out? I understand if it was a mutual decision to split then co-habiting is a way forward but this isn’t mutual and it is emotional torture.
I have drastically undersold the emotional turmoil I have gone through for the last 5 months and I am now a broken man but she really doesn't care about that or the family being together at all. She has recently turned 40 and she has completely changed. I'm sorry, I know this is just a post of me venting but I had to vent somewhere.

Well you don't have to go along with this new way of living. Go see a solicitor and start a divorce.

She's extremely unlikely to just move out and leave you with the house and children.

Sorry, i'll post again with spaces!

Tell her you'll be filing for a divorce, as she is clearly done with the marriage.

Don't do anything you would have done for her as your wife..I.e car repairs, lifts, tech support etc

If she wants to find a new man, let her feel what it's like to be single.

Below is the infidelity 180...take what you find useful from it.

The 180

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Seek support from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not spy on spouse. 11. Do not say “I Love You”. 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her, /his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she/he will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 21. Never lose your cool. 22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic. 23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away. 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). 28. Be strong and confident. 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy. 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared. 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.