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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Domineering mother

4 replies

SheepGoesBaa · 06/12/2019 12:23

I live at home. I help out with bills and jobs around the house, etc so it's definitely not a free ride. I'm Ireland too and the housing crisis truly horrific. I'm grateful to have a roof over my head. My mother can be difficult at times.

She can be domineering. I help and pay towards bills. About once or twice a week, I have my partner come over and stay the night with me. My mother doesn't say anything about this but the face and the frown on her and just the general tone or vibes she's setting off whenever he comes over, says that she's not happy with him staying over.

There's sometimes when she gets up and she just picks a fight with me for no reason whatsoever.

Like last night she asked me to text my brother or the sister in law about their address because at some stage they were due to move. I sent a message but my sister in law never replied back.

This morning I was up and had nearly one foot out the door for a dental appointment. My mother asked did 'name' (sister in law) reply back. I said no she didn't reply back yet. Mother then started giving out to me, ranting and raving to drop my attitude etc.

I had no attitude. I was getting ready and running late for an appointment. I answer my mother appropriately and I don't know what sort of an expansion she wanted on 'no, she didn't text back'.

Also I was going for a dental 6 month clean. I neglected my oral health for a long time. I avoided the dentist for years. I brushed my teeth twice a day thinking that was enough but I learned its not enough and I learned a lesson. The dental cleanings are getting easier and easier now that I'm keeping on top my them.

My mother wasn't happy with me going for a dentist/cleaning appointment. She has an attitude saying dentists are going to say to call back every 6 months, they are trying to make money. Yet, I was able to see an area of tooth with a white/cream chalk like substance (tartar). I do my best but it still forms.

I was going to a dentist appointment, it's not like I was going to the pub for the whole entire day and night and weekend. Who is she to tell me to neglect my teeth? Does she want my teeth to rot and fall out because I'm not a penis owner?

We need a new cooker and home and she's waiting for my brother to drive her around town to buy a new cooker. This is something that probably won't happen this side of Christmas. My brother is unemployed. A lot of the time her goes out on a Friday and he might not be home for a day or two, then he stays in his room for days, only getting up at nighttime when mother and me are gone to bed. He manages to get up for his dole. And then repeat. He's not taking mother shopping.
Mother isn't happy a lot of the time with his attitude and treatment of her and the home but she rants at me about him not being home and she won't say boo to him.

Its almost as if she builds up anger at my brother and misdirects it to me.

If I could afford to move out and go I would be gone and the leave the pair of them to it herself paying all bills while he drinks every weekend.

OP posts:
SheepGoesBaa · 06/12/2019 17:55

I'm not looking forward to going home. I don't understand what I did wrong for her to turn on me and bark shit at me because my sister in law didn't text me back. She picked her moment well, she knows I have a fear of the dentist.

I made it home after my appointment and she was in OK form at that stage but there's definitely bothering her about me. She went out for a walk and she said goodbye to my brother who was surprisingly out of bed. It was all softly, kindly spoken from her to him - "I'm hoping off now for a walk, I will be back later, see you soon" or something on them lines.

Not one word was said to me when she went out walking.

OP posts:
Amicrazy121 · 06/12/2019 18:10

Do you think you'll be able to move out any time soon? I've heard similar stories from friends and things were much better when they moved out.

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/12/2019 18:47

I think you've posted quite a lot about your mother, your brother and the general relationships in your house, Sheep, and the advice is always the same - you need to get out of there. Are you still so poor you can't afford even a house share?

woodhill · 06/12/2019 18:53

Could you move in with your partner

Ask your mum why she is being like this and would she prefer it if you moved out

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