Is he controlling?

[Claire926]

I have been talking to a guy on Bumble. He seems in touch with his emotions. I noticed he kept telling me to smile and be happy. I have never once said I'm unhappy or depressed as I am a positive person. I asked if I had given him the impression if I was unhappy and he said I had not and apologised. I also asked if he spent a lot of time with people who were depressed or tries to help people which he then said he stopped someone from doing something stupid and mental health is on his radar. I just think there are alarm bells. I know people need help but he is self imposing help on me and I do not need it. Should I just cut ties? I think if I date someone who keeps telling me to be happy would end up causing depression. I don't know if this is someone who could be an abuser with coercive behaviour as though he is the only one who 'cares' through his words.

I noticed he kept telling me to smile and be happy If mental health was on his 'radar' wouldn't be coming out with shit like this.

Cut all ties and block him as of now. You do not owe this man anything let alone any form of date here.

Cut ties. He doesn’t know you and yet he’s already pigeonholing you as someone who needs his magnanimous help and support.

He’ll carry on in this vein and if you remonstrate he’ll probably tell you your defensiveness is an indication of repressed issues...

Next!

Some people just say that as a figure off speech, as I always day to my friends to smile, but I dont mean anything bad, I think if you met him you would get more of a understanding off what hes like. It's hard to figure someone out over a dating app. I wouldn't put it down as a abuser.

Some people get off on ‘helping’ others, it makes themselves feel superior. Sounds like he sees himself as some kind of saviour who’s determined to help others whether or not they want it or need it. Self absorbed and arrogant prick in other words.

Condescending twat, I hate these idiots that say “smile, cheer up” etc, they don’t know what could be going on in your life.

Without knowing the details and context of your conversations it's hard to tell! It could just be a flippant comment with no hidden agenda whatsoever!

Anyone who tells you to smile has a problem. I mean it.

Their investment in your smile is to help them feel better about themselves in some way. It is a clear indicator of piss-poor boundaries.

I noticed he kept telling me to smile and be happy.

I fucking loathe this... Ditch him for this alone...

It's ok to stop seeing someone if you just don't really like them that much - it sounds like this is the case and you just aren't that into him. Sack it off and find someone who makes you smile instead of telling you to

Ugh I remember this bunch from online dating. It's like they actually want you to have a problem/ be vulnerable just so they can 'fix' you. And yes they usually turn out to be either ridiculously needy, controlling or both. I'm a miserable prick and thoroughly enjoy it so anyone telling me to smile can go stick their smile up their bastard arse
Obviously it's a huge conclusion to jump to that he may be a controlling narcissistic twat just because he's told you to smile but I'm a firm believer that if alarm bells are ringing, it's for a very good reason

Na its a red flag I'm afraid, it would really bother me. The fact you called him out on it is good but I'm not sure its worth continuing with him.

I also think some men (and women) do this to give off the impression they are a happy-go-lucky type themselves. When, in fact they are the opposite and its a cover for something sinister. I might be overthinking it though.