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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner's family doesn't like me.

13 replies

leahkane19 · 05/12/2019 15:25

Hi Ladies,

There hasn't always been an issue like this.. but here goes anyway..

I have always got on well with my partner's family.. however his mother is the type of person who doesn't care what she says and his father is very quiet and miserable. We have an 8 month old son together who I absolutely cherish with all my heart, but for the couple weeks I haven't been myself. I have horrible thoughts about my son, I feel the need to pick things with my partner and sometimes find myself so low I have to cry, but my partner wasn't supportive, he in fact wound me up and goaded me to the point where I couldn't take anymore crap from him (he also has a very short fuse and doesn't think before he speaks) and I hit him. I know that was completely wrong and I shouldn't have done it, but that's when I realised that I needed some help. I do have post natal depression. My partner had left me for a couple days and he took our son to his mothers house and they wouldn't let me have him until they seen improvement in my mental health, his dad text me saying that they want nothing more to do with me and that I am a nutter.. his sister and everyone has removed me from facebook etc, I am not a nutter. I am actually a lovely person and I have done a lot for them.. they have completely isolated me and it's not really helping my mental health.. it is also making me wonder what my partner has said to them about me. But this is really getting me down I am also taking sertraline anti depressants but I cant stop thinking the worst about this family situation, especially with christmas coming up.

OP posts:

Techway · 05/12/2019 15:35

Is your son home now? No way should they have removed him from you, unless to genuinely help you or on drs orders

Have you spoken to a HV? I think you need support as I don't think you can deal with his family ganging up on you.

puds11 · 05/12/2019 15:41

They can’t just take him away and stop you seeing him unless it is through SS.

You obviously shouldn’t have hit him and it’s a shame you weren’t able to get help before it came to this.

Also how do they define ‘improvement’ they could just keep moving the goal posts. I think you need legal advice.

Purpleartichoke · 05/12/2019 15:48

His family gets to offer him unconditional support and hate you right now. Whatever the cause, you resorted to physical violence.

Focus on yourself and your child. Tell your
gp what happened. Stick to your medication and take any and every therapy and support group opportunity available. Show the father of your child that you have a plan to improve your mental health and you want to set up a graduated visitation schedule.

plumbabe · 05/12/2019 15:51

Where is your child now? Contact your health visitor and GP for help.

Techway · 05/12/2019 16:08

@Purpleartichoke, it is not up to the partner and his family to separate the mother and baby, this is not good for the baby and could be damaging. If the partner has valid concerns he needs to raise them through the medical team, who the OP has already involved.

The poster has not been aggressive to her baby so yes the couple should separate.

Menora · 05/12/2019 18:32

It’s really hard to make a comment on this because it is your account and he will also have his own, and that may include leaving with the child for the child’s own safety. As you admit you have had some scary thoughts about your child and then lashed out at your DH, from his side I think this may have been scary and unsettling if you have had a dramatic change in behaviour. It is not ok he hasn’t even attempted to support you which probably does mean your RS is over, and now you need to focus on getting well and arrangements to see your baby

I would try to leave his family out of this situation for the time being, they will be making it worse. Can you block them? Them not liking you is not the biggest issue here - it is really not what you should spend any time worrying about

What have you done to get help and support? Have you seen your GP?

maryann1978 · 05/12/2019 23:33

Get yourself into court asap, you can make an urgent application and it is likely the initial hearing will be done that day. The application is 215.00 but f you are on benefits you will get a reduced or no fee. The worst thing you can do is wait or the court will question why you have waited.

It's got nothing to do with social care as it's a private family matter.

OneDay10 · 06/12/2019 07:33

Poor you op. The bunch of them sound horrid and toxic. How do you treat a new mother like this? Instead of offering you support they keep your child away from you. Unacceptable.
Work on getting your child back and get rid of your partner. Your MH will improve.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 06/12/2019 09:45

Get your son back. By playing along and pretending to agree with everything they say if necessary.

Then, when you've got him back, get a court order keeping him with you.

Musti · 06/12/2019 09:52

Hi lovely. Without being there and knowing the situation, it is impossible to know whether they are genuinely scared for your child's safety if you're really struggling with your mental health or if they are being unfair.

Please see your GP and be completely honest and see what they recommend.

HowDeepIsYourGlove · 06/12/2019 10:00

I’m sorry but if this was reversed and a woman posted
“My DH has been having strange and worrying thoughts about our son. I think he’s depressed. If I challenge him he says I’m goading him or winding him up. He also hit me in one of his tempers so I took our baby and went to stay at my parent’s house”

Literally no one would be saying you were in the wrong. You sound rather unstable right now and resorted to violence, no wonder your partner took the baby someone safe. I would do exactly the same in that situation.

You need to go to the GP and get help, it sounds like you may have PND. Then you need to prove you are stable and not a danger to either your partner or your child and hope that you can rectify this.

HowDeepIsYourGlove · 06/12/2019 10:01

It's got nothing to do with social care as it's a private family matter
Wrong. If he informs SS you were violent then they will most likely get involved.

AlternativePerspective · 06/12/2019 10:10

I think your partner was right to remove the baby and to keep him with him while you’re still so unstable.

You said yourself that you’ve been having thoughts about him and that you hit your partner. Now it might be that this is depression but in truth no-one is qualified to say here and it could just as easily be that you are a danger to your child.
And he is safest away from you.

you need to see your GP and get appropriate treatment if this is warranted but to state that he goaded you into hitting him is classic manipulative talk and if this was reversed no-one would accept this as a justification for violence.

The family are a separate matter however if they are currently providing the support to your partner and child then it’s not surprising that they want nothing to do with you.

But your first port of call is to seek professional help for you and seeing your child should wait until then given he appears to be safe with his father.

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