I’ll try and keep this short. This situation has really messed with my head.
Met a guy in October. Right from the off, he was saying how into me he was, even posted a little gift through my letterbox when we’d only known each other a few days, texting every day, saying he felt something special between us. I initially asked him to back away because I felt it was too full on and something didn’t feel right.
We continued talking as friends, and one night he was really supportive when I felt a bit down. I decided to give him a chance, and for the next couple of weeks everything was amazing. Literally felt like a fairytale romance, he couldn’t stop telling me how into me he was and was in touch every day and saying how he saw a long term future with us, talking about going on mini breaks next year, how amazing it felt when we were together. We had the relationship chat - saying ‘do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend’, sounds like 15 year olds I know but was said in a kind of cute/silly way.
Then we had a minor fallout and I got upset. I told him I thought I was falling in love with him and he freaked out. Yes, with hindsight this was too soon to say something like that, but his behaviour and words had led me to think his feelings were strong, and I wasn’t saying I loved him at that moment - just that I could in the future. I got a bit upset and he suddenly went incredibly cold - it was like a different person was sat in front of me that I didn’t recognise. Accused me of being manipulative for being upset and suddenly started saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship (he said his ex was toxic and manipulative and that he had issues stemming from that). I ended things and said if that’s what he thought of me, I didn’t want to be with him.
We spent the following week talking loads about our anxieties from previous relationships as I have them too, talking and talking and what I thought was starting to understand and trust each other. He told me he felt even closer to me and that his feelings for me had grown, I still made him feel amazing and close to me and he wanted to make this work because he wanted that future with me. So I agreed to give it another go and again we jokingly said the whole ‘still wanna be my boyfriend/girlfriend?’
Weekend just gone was lovely. Again he was really intense, telling me how deep and wonderful it was, how safe and connected with me he felt - then Monday and Tuesday night he just ignored my texts. I wasn’t bombarding him, just sent a couple asking if he was OK, as he’s usually in heavy contact every day it was out of the ordinary not to hear from him. I sensed something was up yesterday morning and pushed for an answer.
That’s when he came out with a load of stuff I really wasn’t expecting. Said he’d had doubts about me all along, didn’t think I was ‘the one’, was trying to ‘lean into it’ but It didn’t feel right, and - here’s the kicker - that in his head he was never actually my boyfriend?! He started splitting hairs about saying ‘would you like to be’ is not the same as ‘will you be’ and that he meant it in a future tense because he’d never become someone’s boyfriend after only a few weeks, It was never that deep for him and that I must have misinterpreted things. He said I was ‘pushing him too hard’ by wanting to take photos together and put them on Instagram (I never posted anything about him on social media, I made a joke about soppy couple selfies on Instagram but did not and had no intention of posting anything).
Now don’t get me wrong, everyone is entitled to change their feelings about someone. But this was all news to me - this was the guy who’d pursued me aggressively from the start, contacted me repeatedly every day, told me how wonderful and deep it felt, how much he liked me, how he saw a future together, how I was everything he’d been looking for. I was unsure at first as I said, but he kept giving these cues that he was super into me and I responded in kind when I got to the point of feeling the same about him. I’ve met people I was unsure about but wanted to give a chance and I certainly didn’t act like that. I’m not that intense in every dating situation, as I said, I was responding to his cues, but of course I did want to because it felt right when we were together as I came to believe he was genuine. To say I was ‘misinterpreting’ the situation and he was never my boyfriend just seems to me like rewriting history, I’m not sure anyone could have drawn any other conclusion from his behaviour? He’s now blocked on every platform as I’m thoroughly weirded out by the whole thing but it’s knocked me for six and I’m questioning whether it was me at fault all along.
Sorry, that really wasn’t short!