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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is my husband a total dick?

23 replies

RubyD · 04/12/2019 23:50

So I am asleep in bed and OH comes in, flooding room with the hall light and waking me up. I asked him to shut the door, he says "in a minute" and then gets into bed on the side of the door and rolls over. So I ask him again and he shouts at me "In a minute! Do it your bloody self!". It sounds really pretty but it is the way he speaks to me. I started to cry and he was mimicking me and said "you're such a victim, poor you". I am just really upset and shocked at how he speaks to me and I don't know where his anger comes from, totally unprovoked. I have been married to him for nearly 9 years and he is moody by nature. If not for our two young girls I would gladly walk away. Is he being a dick?

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 04/12/2019 23:51

Yes, he’s being a dick.

He is a dick.

You’re girls would probably benefit from not having him around abusing their mother.

KellyHall · 04/12/2019 23:55

Yes, he's being an emotionally abusive twat. You need to get yourself and your young girls away from him before they think it's ok to speak to people/let other people speak to them like that. Surely you don't want that for your girls, so don't let it be acceptable for their mummy either - lead by example.

cakeandchampagne · 04/12/2019 23:56

Total.
You can get out of the marriage.
Then the next nine years could be a lot better for you & your children.

Apileofballyhoo · 04/12/2019 23:58

Yes. What are your finances like?

Shodan · 05/12/2019 00:00

He's a dick-faced dick.

Don't stay with him for your daughters- you don't want this model of a relationship for them for their future. Better by far to bring them up to have healthy boundaries and not take shit from people.

7salmonswimming · 05/12/2019 00:05

Yes he’s a dick.

A nasty one at that.

Sorry.

Flowers
avamiah · 05/12/2019 00:05

RubyD
Had he been out drinking ?
Does he act and talk to you like this often ?

Original poster
RubyD · 05/12/2019 00:06

@apileofballyhoo unfortunately i gave up my job with the girls, one is disabled, and work part time in the evenings and weekends so not sure what I would do on my own to support us. I am not a doormat, I will pull him up on this tomorrow but I wondered what the consensus was. He makes it out like I am overreacting.

OP posts:
Original poster
RubyD · 05/12/2019 00:09

@avamiah I did wonder. I had been out working and usually he gets like this after a few drinks so he is supposed to be off drinking but who knows?

OP posts:
ironickname · 05/12/2019 00:09

Do you have a spare bedroom? If so, I'd start with separate rooms while you start a running away fund.

justilou1 · 05/12/2019 00:10

You should accidentally kick him in the dick and then when he is crying, say “you are sick a victim, poor you!” and slam the door

Mostlyhappy4 · 05/12/2019 00:13

What a wanker! I feel really annoyed on your behalf - that's a horrible thing to do.

Original poster
RubyD · 05/12/2019 00:13

@ironickname I am in it now! I think I need a plan. Just sad as it came out of the blue like it always does. All fine and then next thing he is a complete knob.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2019 00:15

moody by nature

Which means he's an insufferable, selfish, abusive prick. Get rid.

avamiah · 05/12/2019 00:19

RubyD,
You said you have been married to him for 9 years, surely you know if he has been drinking or if he has a drink problem?
It’s best to just say it the way it is, that’s my opinion anyway .
Nobody will judge you here .

scotsllb · 05/12/2019 00:45

That's such a shame you feel unable to leave because you rely on him. He had no place speaking to you like that at all.
I agree with making a plan to get rid and finding a way to support you and your kids without having to stay in the relationship.

Original poster
RubyD · 05/12/2019 00:48

He has a drinking problem but he decided to give it up at the start of the year as it was causing these problems between us. However, he is also generally moody and I don't know if he has slipped back into drinking or if he just being a sober dick. Moody with or without booze but alcohol definitely makes it worse. God I am really depressed now!

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 05/12/2019 00:52

He’s enjoying torturing you. He’s doing things to get a reaction so he can verbally and mentally abuse you.

Cacklingmags · 05/12/2019 20:44

I would kick his arse out of bed for a start and make him sleep elsewhere until he grovelled. Then I would tell him to leave.

Original poster
RubyD · 05/12/2019 20:53

He has apologised several times and I have told him he is in the dog house for the foreseeable. He blames it on work stress but have called him out on that. No excuses for being such a dick.

OP posts:
Smallnmighty · 05/12/2019 21:48

Work stress - so does he speak to his boss and his colleagues like that too?

Thought not.

It's not you, it's all him and he's responsible for his behaviour whether he's had a drink(s) or not.

I really feel for you, it's an awful situation to be in and I'm glad you're feeling strong enough to tackle him about it. I hope things improve for you and your daughters Smile

EKGEMS · 05/12/2019 23:50

And it's because of your two daughters you need to get the hell away from the bastard you're with and be a strong,fierce woman and be an example for them

BumbleBeee69 · 06/12/2019 00:11

Having children is not an reasonable excuse for staying in an abusive relationship.

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