Am I being played, or not?

[GeordieGirl47]

Recently come out of a ltr. Not looking for anything serious, but I'm also someone who takes things seriously, if that makes sense?

Been messaging someone I have known casually, he started to come round to my house when we have both had a drink. We talk, kiss, cuddle, but I won't go any further until I know he is genuine.

This is my confusion. He only has 2 free nights a week. Sometimes he comes over on one of them, sometimes both. He wants us to go "public", go out on a date, but I won't as I don't know if he's messing me about an just wants to sleep with me. He doesn't answer txts, always has an excuse, he IM's sometimes, when I see him he says he wants to be with me, he knows we're going to be in a relationship, but then I might not hear from him again for 4 or 5 days. This confuses me. He is not married. What do you think? How should I proceed with this? When we're together we get on great.

This guy won't know if he's coming or going. Poor sod.

You've baffled me.
So far this doesn't sound cool or fun just cold and overcomplicated.
Perhaps if you go on a date he might text you more. Why would he bother contacting someone who won't even go to the pub with him.

Yes, he has tried to actively arrange a date, but I've told him I'm not going out until I know he's genuine

This is just going round in circles. Agree now that you sound like hard work.

I can be hard work I think

Yep.

Thanks to everyone who replied, it's been really helpful.

When I posted I honestly thought he was being unreasonable but I can see a different perspective after reading the replies. I have been holding him at arms length as I guess I'm scared of being made a fool of, but I hadn't really considered how I might be coming across to him and I can see now that I should just take the chance and what will be will be.

The comments about being rigid and him having to prove himself were also accurate and I know that this serious aspect of my personality are negative, I'm just not sure how to change them.

I'm going to go with the flow and hope I hear from him this weekend and take it from there.

Thanks

@GeordieGirl47 why don't you just message him today and say "hey, are you free tomorrow night? Fancy going for a drink?

GiveHerHellFromUs when I've txt before, nothing specific, just general hello type txt, he doesn't reply so I stopped doing it. I know he is off this weekend so I'll just wait and see.

I don't think you're giving him a chance to even prove himself. Won't have sex... fair enough totally good call until you know he is serious about you. But you won't let him take you out for a date ? this guy is confused !!

Gottobefree Yea I'm starting to see that now after posting this thread. If I hear from him this weekend I'm going to suggest a date.

That's just rude if you only talk on his terms.

Him ignoring you is worse than you not wanting to be seen in public with him.

GiveHerHellFromUs well, see, that was what I thought, was one of the reasons I was unsure of him.

Sorry I misunderstood that in your OP and just thought you meant you don't communicate via text because he doesn't like texting and prefers phone calls or something. I didn't realise he just ignores you.

Red flag IMO!

Sounds like you are both playing games

Sounds like either he thinks you're not interested or you're playing silly games. If he contacts you again take a chance , go for a coffee.