Everyone 'interested' in me has a girlfriend

[whatiswrongwithmee]

Its really starting to get me down now. Guy will message me. Usually to do with a shared hobby. Weeks down the line, it comes out they have a gf. Might subtly drop it in. Or maybe I'll see them 'tag' her in a meme on fb. WHY MESSAGE ME?!

I find it really really hard to open up to someone anyway. I'm extremely lonely, I'm 29 and I've been single for about four years now. Has anyone else found themselves like this, and then found a genuine man.

You'll always get chancers and time wasters like that, but there are also some genuinely single men out there and you just have to keep looking, keep changing and expanding your social etc life, activities, hobbies etc until you encounter them.

Oh 100% I am frustrated. When they totally act as a single man who's interested in me, then ask me to somewhere (not labels as a date but with everything else added up), and I buy a new outfit, arrange childcare, and then proceed to drop in a gf a few days before I am very frustrated 🤣

My friend made a good point this afternoon. It's like they want to suck me in, and then casually drop in their relationship status just before, so if anything happens they can say 'well it's your fault I did tell you'

I don't think I get too invested, but I do get slightly invested. Like any single female open to date I suppose. I am definitely not desperate, but when an attractive guy messages me, very flirty, acts like a single mans and makes it very clear he wants to get to know me outside of the hobby setting, I will react to it.

I will open up my social circle more, I defo do need to do that!

@Sandals19 your reply to 'why message' is so true.

I've found in the past 18 months I've had more married/relationship men strike up conversations with the idea they are out somewhere with it.

First one told me he was separated. After a few months I noticed there was too many lies. Yep still married

Second one swore he was single had a GF.

Third one had a GF. But thought it was fine because he's unhappy with her.

I've had men hit on me through SM. I've had men who I've been friends with

And I'm going to therapy (was always going) and my therapist doesn't believe this is my doing. In fact she thinks it's good I've got boundaries where I don't tolerate it.

And I would say the same to you. Good for you for not tolerating it. I don't think it's anything you are doing. Unfortunately due to SM and how easy it is these days for people to have affairs. We have to sift through those.

I now ask this question " is there anybody who thinks they are in a relationship with you?"

I now ask this question " is there anybody who thinks they are in a relationship with you?"

oh fk doesn't that just demonstrate what the dating world is like now (not that there wasn't bad behaviour in the past but at least it wasn't all quite so bullshitty, not official, fwb blah blah etc).

my therapist doesn't believe this is my doing.

Over a certain age, the portion of the population not single decreases to v minimal - of that majority who are not single, a good portion are chancing, cheating wankers.

It's just statistics.

Sorry the portion that is single decreases.

Ha I agree @Sandals19 it's terrible that I have to ask it in that way. But still don't expect them to answer. I find myself checking their SM first. Awful but I've seen it in real life and so much on here.

And you are right about age. I also find that majority of men my age are married now.

Op, as an aside, I wouldn't but a new outfit for a date. If you want to buy a new outfit and you use the date as an excuse, why not .... But buying new outfit etc speaks of a level of priority and effort that is incompatible with the sheer number of time wasters, weirdos etc in the dating world. I'm sure you'd look perfectly fine without much effort or new clothes; let them earn any effort. You can do that if you're still dating them weeks or months later.

I think I'll be asking that exact question from now on. Will be interesting to see the replies!!

Ask as part of conversation... "so apart from this hobby, what do you do in your spare time? ...day job, relationship, kids?

I honestly wouldn't like my OH asking to go for coffee at another woman's house and I think he was trying it on...laying the groundwork and dropping in that he has a GF..so you know your place if you proceed with him.

I don't believe it's friendly or innocent for a minute.

It could also be their way of seeing if you're single too.

I'd actually just say "so does your gf/partner do/like whatever too?" Or "did you gf enjoy ABC, did you gf go along too?"

Most people (except sociopathic compulsive liars) will choke on saying "I don't have one" when they have any sort of a gf.

They'll also think you know about her from some other source and there's no point in trying to lie (and it might get back to her if they deny her).

My new way of approaching it. Man messaging me at half two in the morning while having his wife and kid in his profile pic

Double whammy of being a (trying to) cheating wanker, and not punctuating.

The punctuation thing annoys me nearly as much .

I can also hear Jamie foxx's "Blame it on the alcohol" playing in my head.

Personally I think you should tell their GF. If I was the GF I’d be thanking you for saving me from an untrustworthy arsehole

@whonoes it goes through my mind so much. And yes I would want to know too. I just can't for some reason.