How can I be nicer?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

I’m just not very nice to my husband sometimes. I’m anxious (diagnosed) and stressy and frankly I speak to him in a way I wouldn’t dream of talking to anyone else. He can be a pain in the bum but he doesn’t deserve me being a bitch.

I need to sort it out. I know that. I don’t need harsh comments please, I’m well aware that I am out of order.

I believe that I had a big
Part in my husband leaving.
I ' nagged' him
Endlessly about his disinterest in his marriage or children .
I intervened when he was nasty and aggressive towards the kids, so he felt undermined,
I was too wrecked to have Sex a couple of
Times a week or
Whenever he felt like touching Me
Up so he felt rejected,
I never let up in asking him
To contribute to the running of the house, rearing of the kids, management of the boring administration of family living as both of us worked full time with significant
Daily travel ...so he felt badgered.
I kept at him to fix the toilets/ showers/cars etc when he would leave us without for weeks, he felt criticised when I got
Upset yet there was no way I
Was allowed to hire someone in to help the family Out .
Yes it was my fault he upped and
Left us all straight into the arms of
Another woman... because I was a bitch in his eyes. 😢

Sorry to hear that @juststumped

This isn’t the same though, he isn’t using my bad behaviour to excuse any cheating. I’m just going through a hard time and unreasonably taking it out on him. I need to just be nicer! He’ll do anything I ask, but honestly I still end up being a cow sometimes.

I’m going to look up that book that was suggested by @7Worfs too

@juststumped I think stepping up when someone is being too aggressive and nasty to the kids is perhaps the right thing to do. At least the kids will see it's not ok. Don't be hard on yourself

You know the things you wrote in your first 3 or 4 posts, read those out to him. Apologise to him, and tell him you are going to work on it.

"I ever feel like shouting at my children I stop and think ‘imagine if lots are people are watching’ so I’d not do it in front of people so then I don’t do it at home either. I do the same when people start to gossip about someone, I imagine they are there listening and how hurtful it would be so I don’t join in."

Really good strategy.

Another good strategy @GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat is GRATITUDE.

First thing on waking up, list at least 10 things you are grateful for, which should include your husband. When the anxiety ramps up, say the Serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

It isn't just 12 Steps gobbledygook. Neuroscience has shown that 'an attitude of gratitude' literally rewires the brain.