Is this going too far?

[madamandthemartyr]

A part time woman at DPs work (same specialism) has been texting him, I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable, due to the flirty nature of her messages. He says he understands and will try not to engage.

She seems to be confiding in him and sharing about having just separated from partner and looking for a ‘poor me’ response, one message said “thanks for being so nice, I will have to come and give you a hug later” - this got my hackles up.

So...it’s incredibly petty, but I’m tempted to sign this woman up for a dating site, POF or similar, so she is bombarded with flirty messages- to see how she likes it....
Is that too petty? I know I should rise above it but I’m pissed off (with both parties)

I wonder if she'd said something that would make you suspicious, rather than his responses being inappropriate?

How did he respond when she said she'd have to give him a hug?

The fact he said "my wife said I have to stop talking to you" makes me worry. Why wouldn't he have just said "I feel like these texts are outside of professional boundaries so please stop contacting me aside from work queries"

He has a history (pre our relationship) of white knight behaviour.

Apparently the analysing would have been double guessing every message to check for intention from her and ‘accidental’ flirting from him. 🙄

He’s asked me to trust him, declared his love and intention to ‘re-build’ my trust in him.

But I feel powerless (and slightly crazy) over the fact that he/people can go through all the correct motions because it upsets me, but I cant actually do anything to stop any feelings developing, if that was the case. (Paranoid much?)

He will emotionally cheat on you with this woman, especially if he likes to 'help' or 'fix'. I've got a bad feeling about how this will turn out.

What do I do?? I’ve just done some further investigation and they started emailing about work stuff, which moved onto text. This has been going on since 19th Nov.

I’ve got doubts and I’m worried about my relationship, but I don’t know what I can do???

There is no point contacting this woman and asking her to see me as a real person, and to distance herself is there? - if DP is the one causing the problem??

Your DP has the choice to engage or not and he is choosing to speak with her presumably about things that are quite personal in nature.

If they weren't great friends before why does she now have to use your DP as her emotional crutch and why is he allowing it? It's a bit odd. If it was just normal chat then all gravy, but the hugs and talking in depth about her personal life. How is he cheering her up? Is he complementing her?

Also, deleting their messages is a flag for me. I would bet he has said some things he doesn't want you to see.

Don't contact her, because he's already made you look like the crazy wife and that won't help.

She's not the one in the wrong anyway, he is.

He's promised to re-build your trust. He can start by blocking her number.