My partner and I have been together for 7 years. At the beginning his family were very welcoming and went over the top in making me feel part of the family. It wasn't till a few years on I realised my FIL has a very controlling nature in that everyone does what he wants and no questions are to be asked. He is a narcissist who likes to be able to control things but at the end of the day this is my partners family and I'm not going out with them. His mum is very soft with him and has a very 'my baby' mentality as my partner is the youngest of 2 boys.
My DP brother has recently got a girlfriend who I can't stand - she has caused huge problems starting unnecessary arguments and general drama so I have made a decision to distance myself from them as they all seem to be playing along with her games. I'm civil in company and would never be rude to anyone. However now my ILs are mad at me for not being the bigger person and that I'm ruining the family. They're saying I must get together with them and sort it out face to face and treating me like I'm a child. I know it will seem like I'm being stubborn but I'm a 34 year old and feel like these people are taking over my life by treating me like a child. Surely it's my decision?