Children at Engagement Party?

[MummaBear120613]

My OH and I got engaged last week (eek!) and honestly I'm on Cloud 9. Talk has quickly gone to whether or not we're having an engagement party and if so what are we doing etc etc.

We've decided we'll probably do one in February (get Christmas out of the way, then January isn't really a good month for anyone) but I'm stuck with a) what to do and b) should it be a kiddie friendly or a child free event?

Now the latter I'm really torn on. We have a 6yo who is my absolute world and I can't imagine him not being there, and lots of our family / friends have kids too, in fact when I think about where the party would be I instantly start planning things to keep the little ones entertained; it will be too cold in Feb for a bouncy castle, should I get an entertainer, how about games, colouring, what can we do to keep them happy and not bored while the parents enjoy themselves too etc...

Basically I'm getting really worked up about it all. My sister gave me some firm words of 'this is YOUR engagement party, not a Childs birthday party think of yourself and not the kids for once!' she also highlighted that all the little ones would be there at the wedding and said that we should have our engagement party as a time to 'relax and let our hair down' without the worry of looking after little ones.

I know she's right, she did make total sense. But I can't seem to shift mum guilt. I'd love an 'adult only' classy cocktail party, but does that make me a d**k? I feel bad, guilty and so awful even considering it so any thoughts or advice would be hugely appreciated.

Basically the long and short of it is, should we do an afternoon thing, child friendly venue and super relaxed or an evening where we can get dressed up a bit more and party into the night?

(I'm aware even considering doing something without my child is selfish, please don't mum shame me, I'm just so so torn)

(I'm aware even considering doing something without my child is selfish, please don't mum shame me, I'm just so so torn)

Nonsense! You're still a whole person outside of your child and you're allowed to do things for you. If you want a fancy adult night, then that's what you do, your DD will be fine with missing one night.

And if this is symptomatic of wider behaviour for you, please start doing more things for you. You matter, and not just as a mother.

@MindyStClaire thank you so much xxxxx

I am a mum & I 100% agree with your sister 🤷‍♀️
Lots of fun things to include your little one in when planning the wedding etc and the wedding itself

Don't feel bad

Have the adult only sophisticated cocktail party. Do not feel guilty!!!

Congratulations x

What do you actually want to do? I love my DS but I also love cocktails and dancing and hanging out with my friends. There's room in my life for both of those things and I don't think it makes me any less of a good parent.

Have you set a date/is the wedding likely to be next year? If it’s not going to that far off then I’d focus out of your energy on your wedding and not throw too much expense or effort at an engagement party.

I know that’s not what you asked though

Do what YOU want for an engagement bash if you want one, it’ll be easier and more relaxed as an adults only do and you can use your child-friendly entertaining inspiration for your wedding day.

Your sister is right. It is your engagement party.

So if you want a bouncy castle and kids entertainer go for it. Have one.

It’s your party after all.

At my wedding we hired a babysitter and after the food they took the kids off to watch dvds and eat junk food. Worked well.

Go for a sophisticated grown-up cocktail party, so people only need a babysitter for the evening, and a child-inclusive, local wedding to make it as easy for the guests as possible.
The best of both worlds!