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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Weird December or not interested

7 replies

Moses12 · 03/12/2019 20:53

Posted in here the other day and got lots of helpful advice. I have another question.

Guy I am dating (boyfriend?), is very busy, teacher, started his own business, 50% custody of his teenage kid and lives 35 minutes away. I work long hours, no kids but very active social life. We have been seeing each other for 4 months. Normally chill in the house unless it’s a weekend, but no amazing date nights.

We basically use text as main form if communication and see each other 1 or 2 times a week. Normally evenings, where we stay over - mostly mine as he works in my city. December is a bit of a weird month and it seems we won’t have much time to see each other - family, night out etc. We are still to meet friends.

He has been really busy with his business working at craft fairs and making orders, whilst working full time. His family is coming over from abroad in 2 weeks and staying in a rented house miles away. He is away with them in Xmas week and said he was going to see them in the weekends. I am working through Xmas and My family is coming then too, so I will be with them.

We normally ensure Mondays are our night and a day in the weekend when he doesn’t have a child. But this weekend he made plans with his friend and told me he was really busy for next few weekends till after Xmas. He is suppose to be staying at mine next Friday as we are both out on work parties in my city, but was non committal.

He was also a bit odd last night. Teasing me, but being a bit close to the bone. I called him out and he apologised. On his phone doing business - he was showing me his phone asking advice. We slept together and he kept saying I was coughing lots. I have a cold. He has bad asthma so can’t compare.

We feel asleep and I woke up with him spooning me in the night, but practically lying on top of me. It hurt and took me a while to move him (he is a big guy). He got annoyed as I woke him, but my hips were getting crushed and they hurt today. Ok this was accidental sleeping but I was being crushed.

In the morning we normally cuddle during snoozing alarms. He didn’t want to do this and called me Irritating in the morning. Not once but a few times. That annoyed me. Now he has texted me to say he is tired as I woke him and he has been working 2 jobs.

So my thoughts from yesterday were to see what happens after Xmas, but now I am annoyed at him after last night. So feeling insecure as I am comparing myself with past relationships, as he seemed to jump in. We had a chat a month ago and he said he couldn’t be 100% committed and wanted to take things slow as he lost his independence in the past and repairing relationship with his kid. Said he had high walls. I am in no hurry but want to feel more secure. We established we were exclusive. But something is nagging me - like am I a Monday night fling?

So worth it or not? Is it just the time of year? Happy with him but would like to spend more quality time with him. Not too sure this early on I have a different expectation

OP posts:
Sparkle567 · 03/12/2019 20:58

He sounds like he’s distancing himself from you.

I think he will dump you going by the information you have provided.

PicsInRed · 03/12/2019 21:05

He sounds a bit married.

Moses12 · 03/12/2019 21:14

No not married. Been to his lots and no signs.

OP posts:
Moses12 · 03/12/2019 21:15

Yip. One of my thoughts. Other is he is distancing himself till Xmas sort of forewarning and will be present again. Not sure this is what I want.

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 03/12/2019 21:16

Sounds like you're a handy crash pad. No dates? Just spending your times together at yours?

Moses12 · 03/12/2019 21:20

I do go to his at weekends. It’s just we work in my city. It is starting to feel that way. However he travels to work, hone and then back to mine to see me. Just no effort to woo. He seems the guy not to do that, but u like going out. I don’t think we are compatible. He just annoyed me last night

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 03/12/2019 21:20

You don't really have dates. That's not dating. Dump him and use being extra busy socially in December to get him out of your system.

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