Why is she not phoning her solicitor

[SheepGoesBaa]

My mother mother is going through the divorce process. Her and my father are a long time separated and he has a lot of debt problems. Last year my mother started to move on a divorce. She applied for legal aid. She was granted that within a few weeks. She's been in the legal system not for about 15 months with this divorce bull shit. The last time she heard from her solicitor was in September of this year. There has been no progress made since then.

I have asked my mother to phone her solicitor to get things moving along because I think solicitors will delay and dray the process out because the state is paying.

My mother will not phone her solicitor. She's 15 months in this. Christmas of 2020 (next year) will come and go and by the looks of things she probably still won't be divorced. All the while the family home is in jeopardy and trouble because of my deadbeat father.

I'm afraid there is little you can do here other than suggest, advise and support. It is your mothers divorce and up to her how quickly or slowly she wishes to do it. Maybe explain your concerns and listen to any she had, but ultimately if she doesn't want to progress it any faster, it is up to her. Maybe she isn't ready to accept it os definitely over

I am assuming there was abuse in the marriage, as she qualified for legal aid.

If so, divorcing can be very distressing and bring up all sorts of feelings. You need to just support whatever she does.

My father left over 21 years ago. She has had 21 years and nearly quarter of a century to accept her marriage is over. She hates him for what he has done and wants to separate herself from his debts.

I don't understand why she's not phoning the solicitor at least to get a move on. That's something I will not be able to support her on whatsoever. His health is bad and it's only a matter of time before his debts become hers. She really needs to cop the fuck on.

Her solicitor is clearing dragging this process out and needs to get things moving on.

Presumably then she is divorcing on the grounds of 5 years separation and his consent is not required?
The admin does take time. His debts do not become hers, not sure why you think they would?

My parents separation was never legalised or formalised and in the eyes of the state and law, they are still married. She got legal advice outside of this legal aid/divorce solicitor and upon his death, his debts become hers and she was advised on divorce.

His health is very poor and he continues to wreck it more with smoking heavily and drinking.

Moving on a divorce is vital at this stage and she has no time to waste which I think is what her divorce solicitor is doing. The last she heard from her divorce solicitor was in September. I find it scandalous how there is no progress made since September. I don't know of the solicitor has even applied to the court for the next step in the divorce process. When is he going to apply? Jan, Feb, Mar? How much more after that will she have to wait? 3,6,9 months?

I'm asking her to pick up the phone and phone him and ask him what's happening with the divorce and where does she stand. That's all. Get him moving on it. That's all. She won't do that.

If you wrote a letter would she sign it?

When you ask her, what is her reason for not wanting to call?

Solicitors get paid about 75 quid for a divorce on Legal Aid. They're not fat cat lawyers making a fast buck.

If divorces grind to a halt, it's usually because client's stop giving instructions. Perhaps try finding out why your mum is reluctant to engage, and support her through that.

Also, his debts won't become hers on his death, but creditors may try to recover it from his share of any matrimonial assets. His executors would be sorting that out. I expect there was a lot of Chinese whispers on that one.

She says he's probably a busy man and he has other customers or clients too and it's not only just herself. Something like that.

I could write/type up a letter and get her to sign it.

I think she may know something that you don't, and she doesn't wish it to share it with you. That of course is her prerogative, we don't own our parents and we can't demand every detail of their lives. Perhaps there are undisclosed debts that have come to light that she will become liable for in the divorce, maybe the house titles are not as straightforward as you think, maybe he will have a claim on her pension if they divorce now. You seem very cross and impatient with her (I would be too) - if that's coming across when you talk face to face then that will make her even more reluctant to share details with you.
Maybe try one more discussion and end it with If something has come up that would make it really difficult to walk away then please let me help you, two heads are better than one, I won't judge you, I just want to see you having some peace and security - or words to that effect. If she still won't move things forward, there's nothing you can do.

She hasn't stopped engaging with the process and the solicitor. It seems to be the other way around. The solicitor has stopped informing her of the process/progress. There was a court hearing in October. It wasn't for the divorce. It was more for my father. My mother didn't have to attend. The solicitor never informed my mother of the outcome of that and the when he's going to apply to the courts for the next step.

Its a dead end now.

But surely your mother can prove that they've not lived together for all that time, and go for the 'five years separation' straightforward divorce?

Chilli mayo,

I'm not cross at mam. I'm disappointed with how long this whole entire divorce process is taking and I can't believe we are coming to an end of a year and it's still no where in sight. I think mother should be phoning the solicitor getting a move on with things because he hasn't sent a letter or contacted mam since September.

Another year will come and go and she will probably still be in the same place as she is today with the divorce. At this stage she needs to start applying pressure or solicitors will probably drag this out.

I checked last night and the last correspondence my mother had from her solicitor was in August. It was informing her of a court hearing in October. An early date in October.

Its now 7 weeks since that court date, and 36 working days since that court date.

There's no progress and I can't believe how apathetic the mother is