Non-molestation order - scared it won't be taken seriously. Any success stories?

[AndHarry]

The National Centre for Domestic Violence are helping me put together an application for an NMO against my abusive ex-husband. I'm scared that it's going to be rejected and his behaviour will then escalate in retribution for making the application.

His abuse was financial, emotional, mental and sexual - there are no medical records or police reports. His behaviour now is insidious rather than overt: sporadic nasty text messages, withholding child maintenance or paying it late, bringing the kids back late, saying negative things about me to them, sending them back with dirty lunch boxes from a few days before. These are such small things but together they're a continuation of him wanting to control and belittle me. I'm just worried that a judge won't take it seriously and thinking about dropping the application.

Has anyone successfully applied for an NMO without much objective evidence?

Yes - I’m a lawyer at one of the law firms which works with the NCDV. I’ve helped with about 15 applications. Many of the clients are in the same position as you: no physical violence per se but financial, emotional and psychological harassment and we have succeeded in getting the order. You will make the initial application without notice to your XP - he will only find out about it if the court makes the order. The order, your application and your evide

Sorry - posted by accident too soon: and your evidence in support will all need to be served on your XP. The court will fix a hearing for about 1-2 weeks after the initial without notice hearing and your XP will have a chance to argue against the non-mol at that hearing. But if the court doesn’t make the initial order, he need never know you applied.

The key question is: are you afraid of your XP and is this behaviour impacting on your MH?

Yes I got one against my exh when we were getting divorced it lasted a year. I got one that got him out of the family home and then the nmo as well.

Definitely taken seriously. And breaching it is a criminal offence so completely worth doing. Please go through with it.

@Dery, is it a requirement that you must be afraid of your ex in order for this to be successful? I had assumed mental health impact was sufficient but I'm now gathering that's not the case?

Yes I’m scared of him and yes it’s having a severe impact on my mental health. Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve gone ahead and booked the initial hearing for tomorrow. I’ve gone through the form and witness statement and have the 3 copies of each printed and signed, plus copies for me.

I’m really nervous and terrified it will make things worse. He will never ever admit that he’s in the wrong and I can just see him contesting this all the way.

I really don’t know what to do this morning. If he contests it I have to be in court with him and it will be horrendous.

The appointment at court is at 1230. As now, I’m going but I’ve been wavering on and off all morning.

@Mostlyhappy4 - sorry for confusion: mental health impact would usually be a sufficient indicator of fear, I think. What I was getting at really was that the behaviour which OP was describing may well be sufficient for a non-mol if she was afraid of her XP and/or it was having a detrimental effect on her mental health.

@AndHarry I hope your application went well and you got the order. If you did, the court should be able to put protection in place for the further hearing - separate waiting rooms, possibly screens in the court room and so forth. Courts are used to this so just talk to them and see what can be put in place.

Thanks @Dery. I went but the judge decided on reviewing the documents that it would need to be a hearing with notice. So I’m back again in ~2weeks.

@AndHarry Sorry to hear that. Have you told the court staff that you would like some measures in place so you don’t have to encounter your X outside the court room and also a screen if possible in the court room?

Do you have anyone that can attend court dates with you?

I’ve asked for those measures in the application so fingers crossed they do it. He’s going to be furious and I don’t want to be anywhere near him.

My dad could potentially come with me but TBH I tend to do better with stress if I’m left alone. Then I can sit in the car and quietly freak out, pull myself together, compartmentalise and move on, rather than trying to keep it together for someone else and having it seep out at the edges for days.

Do what feels best for you. Some of clients whom I’ve helped have gone alone but most have had support. But of course that only works if they do support you rather than you supporting them. Personally I would want someone along and I wouldn’t worry about keeping it together for them!

Thanks. We don’t really ‘do’ feelings so it would be less stress for me just to go.

I have a court date for the 20th. I need to make sure exH is served with at least 48 hours notice. £100 down!

Good luck!

Thankyou. I’ve appreciated you popping on to give advice; it’s helped keep me calm and on-track.

Keep going op,it's a difficult journey but worth it in the end.

@AndHarry. You’re welcome! Good luck!

Update: I got the NMO So relieved! My mum came with me and kept me calm while I sorted out papers and worried.

ExH didn’t turn up but did send the court a lengthy email saying I was a devious, manipulative liar who was trying to take his children away. The court was unimpressed and granted the order in his absence.

Thankyou for all the support :)

@AndHarry That’s great news! Congratulations!

Congratulations

@AndHarry hi! Can you please let me know some examples of behaviour which got you the non mol and what evidence you provided? Thank you