Just posting this here because I'm not ready to send it direct to the intended recipient, although I kind of hope they see it. Something this week was the last straw and triggered me to write this, I was very close to picking up the phone and saying this all to them but I have decided to let my emotions calm down a bit first. If you read this and it resonates then please do something about it, before it's too late...
If your son and I ever separated and he found someone else do you think he would let them tell him he can't see his kids? And further down the line his grandchildren? No, not for one second do I think anyone or anything would ever, ever stop him spending as much time as possible with his children and one day his grandchildren. I am one of four siblings (I only share a mother with one) and my parents treat us all the same, and treat all our children the same.
I will never, ever understand a man (or woman!) who goes on to have children in a 2nd (or 3rd or 4th!) marriage and forgets about their existing children. If, god forbid, anything were to happen between me and your son then I know for a fact 100% that he would want to see his children as much as possible and no woman would ever get between that relationship. It's a narcissist of a woman that tells a man he can't see his child or grandchildren, and it's a weak, weak man who listens to her.
I want to let you know that your son has turned in to a very fine man indeed. He is a wonderful husband and an incredible father. He gives us everything he has and he very rarely asks for anything in return. He is at least 50% responsible for the 4 wonderful human beings we have created, they are your grandchildren and believe me they have more than enough people who love and adore them without you so you really are the only ones missing out.
I am mostly sad for my husband. He wants his dad. He won't talk to you about how he feels because he's too proud, and it upsets him too much so he pushes his feelings to the back of his mind. He may not be the best at always delivering birthday presents to you on time but who the fuck cares? He works crazy hours and has four young children, give him a break! He always rings to say Happy Birthday. You may well send presents at birthday and Christmas but honestly we are not interested in presents and material things, we are interested in family and love and having fun together! Give my kids a toy and they will play with it for a few minutes, then they just want to play tickle monster or hide and seek or have cuddles or do a show with/for the people they love and who love them (you wouldn't know that though because you just drop a present at the door, usually after they have gone to bed). That's what counts, not some plastic tat that is forgotten about by the end of the week.
I feel like if I do ever send you this all contact may be stopped completely but that wouldn't be much of a difference to the contact we have now. I feel like I have to do something for my husband, I want him to have a proper relationship with his dad before it's too late, and for my children, I refuse to allow them to be hurt by all this so something has to change and I guess its up to you which way that goes.