I have had enough, let's talk

[TheTickingTime]

I work 45 hours a week doing admin work for 17.200 per annum. I am being paid 1.110 each month, roughly.

I have no quality of life. I don't own a car, not since my soon to be x husband, on 2012 decided to take the family car.
I support my adult son. He has depression and anxiety but is doing college full time. I have very little to live on once all my bills have been paid. I am really proud of him though as he has had some really tough challenges.

I am nearing 50. I have a string of failed relationships behind me. Abusive once. I have no friends. And I mean no friends.

Two years ago I had a gas leak, had I not woken up, me and my son would not have been found for a long while. No one would miss us. This Christmas it will be just me and my son. I feel we don't matter.

I work really hard. The job I do is pointless. I do it because the bills need to be paid.

I have tried really hard to keep head above water, but I am only one of many who this applies to.

For many, this is reality every day of the year. Even if you are married.

The point to my post is not to ask for pity, just maybe start a little group of os, whoever or wherever you may be, and just reach out. To chat, and I don't care what topic it is, I am interested and I want to know of you.
Come and say hello

No one?

Why do you work for less than minimum wage? That’s my first question.

OP you might have depression as well. I know it's really hard to make friends especially real friends you can trust. Sending you hugs🤗

op
It's clear from your post that you feel it's a whole lot of work, for a whole load of nothing.
As tough as life is you and your son have each other. There have been challenges that you've weathered and overcome. Often life beats us and it is tough. Do you not have colleagues at work that you can socialise with? Or maybe groups or meets in your area?

You need a new job OP. A little extra money would help. Are you or your son entitled to benefits. Claim them if you are.

What would you like to talk about OP? Its half 11 here in the UAE and I am just back from a wedding.

OP there are times when, like you I feel very low and alone and like life is just too hard. When it happensI reach out to someone..anyone.. like you have so hey, hows your day been?

When I feel thus way I also try and count my blessings so to speak...like what am I grateful for. The list is actually long when I start. Everything from my meals to my plates and my kitchen, gas, electricity my kids, the money I do have to pay my bills, etc etc right through to my long legs that are able to walk to the shops and buy a galaxy ripple! Sounds cliche but try it. And tell me what you are glad you have got

Find a local community centre or church doing a Christmas lunch for those who are alone/elderly etc. Even if you go to contribute and help out it’ll be a nice atmosphere, you’ll meet nice people and have a great lunch you don’t have to cook by yourself.

Find a local hobby club, many are free such as knitting, choir, cooking . Go and even if you’re shy, over time you’ll strike up conversations.

Go to the doctor and tell them you’re feeling low. Ask for counselling sessions firstly just to talk it out with someone other than your son.

If your son has these mental health illnesses, apply for DLA/PIP (whatever it’s called now). If it applies to you then the money will help a little.

Life’s too short to not grab the bull by the Horns and act on things that aren’t fulfilling to you!

if you want to meet people and make friends try the meet up website. lots of meetings for things you are interested in. I did a museums of London one for people who liked fun things in London.

Two years ago I had a gas leak, had I not woken up, me and my son would not have been found for a long while

But you WERE woken. The universe/god whatever you want to call it - wants you alive. You have a job of work to do this lifetime. And I strongly believe it's not the job you're currently doing

Thank you all for your lovely messages. I am already looking for a new job. I will have a look at the local clubs too.

Aw op. I don't know what to say. But I'm sending huge hugs. keep hanging in there. My life hasn't been great this year either because of my health. I'm just glad it was caught early, I dread to think what would have happened if it hadn't.

Good luck with the job search OP! I have a feeling that things will start to fall into place once you find a new role. More money, new faces, a change of scene.

I haven't been in your situation OP, but I have had times where I've felt very low and life has felt like such a struggle. I respect everything you're doing to support your son and I'm sure it means the world to him.

Do you have time to exercise? I started running with couch to 5k and now that's a bit of a refuge for me (though I am the world's slowest and most ungainly runner!).

I don't normally comment, but your post really struck a chord with me. My life is much more fulfilling now and I think that this time next year, yours will be too. You've done the hardest part by reaching out!

I hear you OP. I'd chat with you.